Living together
My gf is talking about buying a place to live. It's a huge jump for me since this has never happened before but she asked if I would be willing to go in on it with her. In my experience, this is a hint. She wants me to live with her. She also wants to get married one day and have kids. She just turned 30 and she started thinking about buying a house or a trailer of her own. Not sure where to go with this.
Replies
You know what I think. If it feels right then try it out. I know you love her with everything you are. Just remember this is a forever deal. If you break up it's back to finding a place of your own and starting over again and not where you live now.
That's awesome. Go for it dude. Ask her to marry you.
Do you want some advice from an older woman who is on her second marriage? If not, don't read the below paragraphs.
Wait. Date for 12-15 months and then consider marriage first. Don't move in with her and don't buy a house with her unmarried. At this point, you have not dated her long enough to truly know her warts and her diamonds. It is easy to be nice for about a year, after a year the real personality comes out. You mention she is in a hurry and wants children so that alone means slow your roll. Nothing wrong with wanting children, the issue is taking the time to really know each other and plan out the marriage by communicating about needs and wants ahead of time. Does she want to be a stay at home mom? Do you expect her to work especially with a high mortgage payment?
Be wise about the negatives in the relationship because every relationship has negatives -- we are human and not perfect.
Rushing it might work out and you also might live to regret it. If slowing down and not moving in together is a deal breaker for her, stop and think.
Another reason to slow down in your situation is the housing market is not good right now and mortgage rates are super high. Some think the housing market is starting to slide down price wise which is good if you can find a seller but then mortgage rates are way too high at this time. Yes, you can possibly get a new mortgage when the rates go lower but then again, you guys might have a life event get in the way of your income and not quality for a new mortgage. Or housing prices might tank and you owe much more than it is worth. I've owned 10 homes in my life and sometimes it goes well and sometimes we lost money. And once in the '80's housing valued tanked by half. We owed $60,000 on a house now worth $30,000. Stuck.
In general, do not buy a house with someone you are not married to just in case the relationship goes south and one of you has to be forced into a sale of the house or because your name is on a mortgage with a person you just broke up with and moved out of the house. Or she moved out and left you high and dry and now you want to sell and she ain't cooperating. With a divorce, the judge can force one spouse to get a new mortgage in their name only or force the sale of a house if this mortgage is not doable on one income. You may have no protection just living with a girlfriend and having a co-owner mortgage should things go south. At the very least, talk to a good family law attorney or real estate attorney for advice that pertains to your rights and obligations in this situation in your state/country.
If she has house purchasing fever, she can go to a mortgage company and get prequalified on her own. She can purchase the house and get the mortgage on her own. If you move in with her, then you can pay her rent. Find out from a good attorney if you pay some of her mortgage what rights you might have if you then end up marrying. It might be her house, but in my state it is called community property when the other spouse pays toward the mortgage even though it is not in their name and they don't own the house. They will have legal rights to part of the house. This stuff is complicated. Take it slow. Let her know that slow protects her financially and heart wise also.