living on prayers
I'm not much of a "religious" person. I don't know what i am. I believe in God and I love him but I don't know what to make of all the things people tell me i should think of him, so I just tell him what's on my mind and hope for some positive reinforcment and try to have love and faith for him because i know someone's watching out for me or I'd be dead by now...
And the strangest thing is happening. I've been feeling almost human lately, (lol). It's been so hard these last months. And I really havent had the will to do anything but lay around and feel awful. But these last few days i find myself looking forward to next year. I want to go back to school, I miss it so much. And i want to find some work so that i can get some of these bills paid up. I love Sophia, more than i could ever put into words. And that hole in my heart she left will never be filled by anyone or anything, but I feel bad that I've probably been holding her spirit here for too long because I don't want to let her go, ever. I know everytime i call her back i'm making it harder for her soul to be free and i want her to be happy wherever she is.
I feel guilty writing that I'm going to try to let her go, but grief's a process right? And i don't want to destroy everything else in my life just because I couldn't function. I still can't, but I'm trying : )
I just miss laughing. I miss having a goal in my mind that i could work towards. And i never thought I would be here writing this after losing the most beautiful little angel I have ever seen, But I am. It's not a dream. I don't want to believe that, but it's not. And I think Sophia would want me to finish school and live well so that one day if she comes back to me we can be happy, or if not so her brothers and sisters can have a good life too. POSITIVE THOUGHTS!
I love you so much Sophia. Watch out for your mommy and daddy and know you're always in our hearts! I miss you baby, until i see you again.
And the strangest thing is happening. I've been feeling almost human lately, (lol). It's been so hard these last months. And I really havent had the will to do anything but lay around and feel awful. But these last few days i find myself looking forward to next year. I want to go back to school, I miss it so much. And i want to find some work so that i can get some of these bills paid up. I love Sophia, more than i could ever put into words. And that hole in my heart she left will never be filled by anyone or anything, but I feel bad that I've probably been holding her spirit here for too long because I don't want to let her go, ever. I know everytime i call her back i'm making it harder for her soul to be free and i want her to be happy wherever she is.
I feel guilty writing that I'm going to try to let her go, but grief's a process right? And i don't want to destroy everything else in my life just because I couldn't function. I still can't, but I'm trying : )
I just miss laughing. I miss having a goal in my mind that i could work towards. And i never thought I would be here writing this after losing the most beautiful little angel I have ever seen, But I am. It's not a dream. I don't want to believe that, but it's not. And I think Sophia would want me to finish school and live well so that one day if she comes back to me we can be happy, or if not so her brothers and sisters can have a good life too. POSITIVE THOUGHTS!
I love you so much Sophia. Watch out for your mommy and daddy and know you're always in our hearts! I miss you baby, until i see you again.
Replies
Positive thoughts is the way to go. I know it can be hard but you are right, our babies want to see us happy and carrying on (because I don\'t think we ever \"move\" on) Hoping the New year brings some positive things. Hugs
Hi. You are right, grieving is a process. When I lost my Sariah, I felt as if the whole world was closing in on me. It seemed that everyday was a struggle and I had nothing to look forward to. But God saw me through. Only through hearing the word of God, was I able to let go and let God handle my grief. I will always love my sweet baby. But just knowing that she is at peace gives me the strength to go on. Keep talking to God. He is the one that knows our inner most thoughts and feelings. I wish you well in everything you do and all of your plans. Good luck!!
Hi. You are right, grieving is a process. When I lost my Sariah, I felt as if the whole world was closing in on me. It seemed that everyday was a struggle and I had nothing to look forward to. But God saw me through. Only through hearing the word of God, was I able to let go and let God handle my grief. I will always love my sweet baby. But just knowing that she is at peace gives me the strength to go on. Keep talking to God. He is the one that knows our inner most thoughts and feelings. I wish you well in everything you do and all of your plans. Good luck!!