Living in the twilight zone

My state disability has run out and I'm living on my savings now.  I applied for unemployment benefits, I expected to be well enough to look for work but conditionally.  I'm not going to get enough to make much difference.  Another holiday without mom, I still think about her everyday and still have trouble believing she has been gone a year and a half now - where did the time go.  Living in the twilight zone.  Holidays don't mean much to me anymore, that's a thing of the past.