living in the past
Seems like lately ...my abusive past has caught up with me...
I thought I had left it all behind... forgave all those who miss treated me... Lord knows I loved my Mom and my grandmother...but some of the things they did to me keep fallin off the shelf ...where I so carefully packed em all way... in neat litlle boxes labelsed.. forget this stuff... seems that shelf in my mind has fallen into needs of repair.. the weight of all those boxes of stuff i need to let go of and forget...come tumbling out from time to time...I don't seem to be able to keep up with it any more...
As the years wear on.. and the chronic pain reaches new heights in relentless never ending nawein... yepp like a big dog that thinks I'm it's chew bone... Yeah I reckon i could take a lot of pain meds... and I have.. what ya can get on Medicaid is awesome... Motrin...800 mg... took those for years ...found out the more you take..(well for me) the more it takes...
From the time I was 18 till 1993 ... I ate three big bottles of asprin a day.. I'm not kiddin.. I can chew up bayer like .. milk duds... Yumm ...
so there goes my ears... they were already bad from being slapped up side the head for 7 years life.. ad both my ear drums ruptured before i was 13... my jaw is out of aline because i was slapped so much...
I've learned to live with the pain.. kinda disassociate myself with it ... most the time the pain... welll it don't like being alone hahahaha... so it constantly reminds me it there..
I've so wanted to take this negative part of my life and turn it into something positive.. so I've tried to write a book...ya know every time I get to certain events in my life ... it overwhelms me...it's like I'm right there living the whole miserible moment over and over again...
so yeah i put that on the back burner... simmerin it is... Oh well I probably done had my whine and cheese over this so many times...
you know the only regret I have... is being ALONE... no one to hold or share my life with... no one to comfort in times of need or to comfort in times of need...(get it you rubb my back.. I'll rubb yars....)
i know I aint really livin in the past... the Past is living in me...dang shame too...well i just needed to get that vented out of my system... for a couple minutes at least...
I don't need no pity.. it aint about beein felt sorry for..(hey watch the hands)
its just a way to deal with all this bull hocky...
later best wishes... russ
I thought I had left it all behind... forgave all those who miss treated me... Lord knows I loved my Mom and my grandmother...but some of the things they did to me keep fallin off the shelf ...where I so carefully packed em all way... in neat litlle boxes labelsed.. forget this stuff... seems that shelf in my mind has fallen into needs of repair.. the weight of all those boxes of stuff i need to let go of and forget...come tumbling out from time to time...I don't seem to be able to keep up with it any more...
As the years wear on.. and the chronic pain reaches new heights in relentless never ending nawein... yepp like a big dog that thinks I'm it's chew bone... Yeah I reckon i could take a lot of pain meds... and I have.. what ya can get on Medicaid is awesome... Motrin...800 mg... took those for years ...found out the more you take..(well for me) the more it takes...
From the time I was 18 till 1993 ... I ate three big bottles of asprin a day.. I'm not kiddin.. I can chew up bayer like .. milk duds... Yumm ...
so there goes my ears... they were already bad from being slapped up side the head for 7 years life.. ad both my ear drums ruptured before i was 13... my jaw is out of aline because i was slapped so much...
I've learned to live with the pain.. kinda disassociate myself with it ... most the time the pain... welll it don't like being alone hahahaha... so it constantly reminds me it there..
I've so wanted to take this negative part of my life and turn it into something positive.. so I've tried to write a book...ya know every time I get to certain events in my life ... it overwhelms me...it's like I'm right there living the whole miserible moment over and over again...
so yeah i put that on the back burner... simmerin it is... Oh well I probably done had my whine and cheese over this so many times...
you know the only regret I have... is being ALONE... no one to hold or share my life with... no one to comfort in times of need or to comfort in times of need...(get it you rubb my back.. I'll rubb yars....)
i know I aint really livin in the past... the Past is living in me...dang shame too...well i just needed to get that vented out of my system... for a couple minutes at least...
I don't need no pity.. it aint about beein felt sorry for..(hey watch the hands)
its just a way to deal with all this bull hocky...
later best wishes... russ
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