Living in Circles

That which matters to us most, we speak of least
To hold still in our hearts, to quiet the beast
In the uncounted years since I stopped fighting the "remembrance episodes" and turned my energies toward working with them, I have come to treat the manic fissures, frantic dreams, talking to people who aren't there, etcetera, as symptoms of another memory block coming down. The process remains a mystery which demands many leaps of faith, but it seems to have served me well. Memories which used to turn me into a raging animal have been reduced to stains on the carpet which I can walk past without tripping. They are still as ugly as sin, but they no longer dominate my view of the world.
The current round does knot seem to belong to a memory block. I gently remind myself that it is extremely difficult to follow threads through the notty mess of my repressed memories, but senses I cannot yet translate to words are whispering that this thread leads into the future. I hold still in my heart. If it is even real, it will present at Godspeed.