Living arrangements

i have been staying with my step parents. i had thought things were going well, and they are for the most part, except one major detail. my stepfather. he is not home often because he works at a fire station... so many days on, so many off. but when he is home... its hell. i hide. i do my share around the house. i cook, clean, do everyones laundry quite often.. vacuum.. you name it. i try my best. i cant help outside much with the store cause i cant do the heavy lifting right now. i wish he talked to me the way he talked to the 5 year old here. my feelings dont matter. he dont see what i do and thinks i am lazy and non contributing.  it doesnt matter really. he wont come talk to me like an adult. this is all second hand from other people that i hear this from. he is pretty unapproachable... and i am trying to get the courage to talk to him today... and not cry if he puts me down or out. I want college, and a career. so i am trying my best to see where i can fit in, with a baby, on a longer term stay to get me started. my step parents live right on county line. i have appts to go to in kitsap county.. but i am in mason... and if i list my address as living in mason.. i have to have my benefits transferred, and go to appointments in mason, which are an hour away. i need the medical more than anything... and i dont want to live in bremerton... but they want me to go to a shelter. they think i would be better off in a shelter, then getting into transitional housing. its a hard decision, and i need to talk to my dad, and get a definate yes, it is ok if i stay here from him for a longer term or not.  and i need to tell him, if he is having a bad day, and feels the need to yell at me, then he needs to tell me so i can make plans to stay away. i dont need that. i dont need to be put down and ridiculed. he doesnt understand. he thinks i should be working asap no matter what. he dont understand im doing things slow, and taking steps on purpose, to get what i need in the future, so i can actually have a future. i just dont know.... i understand i am at the bottom of the totem pole here at this house... and that even the 5 year old can tell me what to do pretty much.... but he dont have to rub it in my face by telling me to "watch my mouth" cause my 13 year old sister told him i asked her to take out the garbage and she thought i was too bossy. i was trying to get the house clean before dinner. i had asked her 2 hours prior.... simple thing really.  i didnt yelll, i just asked. even said please. i understand im the "fuck up" i understand im not worth much in their eyes. and sometimes it seems like it would be better to go to a shelter.  but i just dont knowi want to talk to him first. but i dont know if i can. i get so nervous, cause he says things that hurt me... and if you try to tell him you are hurt at that time he dont care... the last thing i need right now is more rejection. i just dont knw what to do about it all. im scared. why cant they just be family and help me? make me feel like they love me just once?  i mean, my sisters get to go off to soccer camps.. my step parents pay thousands of dollars a year. the one that drives drives every car in the house hold. (im still not allowed to drive their cars) im not jealous of them.... its just that.... i would really like it if i were talked to as a human being with feelings!!!! i dont expect everything to be about me... but give me at least a minute! try to understand im going through alot and doing the best i can!!!  and that maybe if i ever needed them i need them now. well, im going to go find him... wish me luck....  at least i will know what the next step is from here.