Living Alone Again

Life since Tim left has been great. My apartment has been rearranged in a whole new way including the walls. I have been entetaining some girlfriends etc. THEN when it come time for Tim to fulfill his promise to pay me the money he owes for rent while he lived here I get I will probably be there this day then it is I will maybe there the next day and so and so on. This last weekend he had said he would maybe be out Sunday, then that morning he texts me and says he is working and has to do laundry so he won't be out. Now this has been going on since he left he has gotten 3 paychecks and had told me he would pay me 200.00 a paycheck ( he owed me 800.00 yet) Well the first paycheck came and he came over on monday after he was paid friday and gave me 80.00. The same week I notice I said I not him got rid of his broken down car that had been sitting across the street for 4 months and he never did anything to get it hauled away  so I called and it was all over and done with in 2 days and I got 25.00 for it. So now he owes 695.00, has had 2 paychecks and nothing. Sunday when he told me he was not coming I said great thanks alot. Tim you are so inconsiderate and irresposnible. His come back was I said maybe and dont start with the guilt trip shit! I told him I was not and could not make him feel guilty that is something only he can do, and I was just saying what I see and feel! I have not heard from him since. He has until tomorrow night then I am calling him and telling him we have to talk, not fight and get this figured out because it is affecting my health and well being plus interferring with my plans. 

For awhile there I was living the dream that the Tim I fell in love with would come back but I should have known better after living with my alcoholic ex. alcoholics and addicts are afraid when they are happy and life is going good and they are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. After his message on Sunday I knew I was done I will not live that life again ever. So I want him to finish paying me, I will get a new phone and clear this one off and give it back to him and then have nothing to do with him again. I have built a brick fortress around my heart so it does not get in the way of what I know is right for me to do. This has been a very hard year on me healthwise and it has not even been my fibro except for the flare. 5 months with pneumonia then 6 weeks in a frankenstein boot for a stress fracture right above my ankle and now am having a sleep test because I fall asleep at such odd times without even knowin I am going to do it. I have fallen asleep on friends recently 4 times. Add in all the stress of my relationship with him and I am becoming a major basket case that will soon land in the looney bin. Something has got to give here. At my aunts funeral my oldest told me they have set a temporary wedding date so I have to be able to do my walking and loss 60 pounds in 11 months time and with all the stress I know that will not happen.

I am very thankful I have a couple of terrific girlfriends that give me a ot of support and help where I need it I would be in the bin already if it were not for them. I am doing a lot of praying and meditating and that is helping too. Then I come here and just write it all out and hope no one is bored with me but it really helps me to be able to get it out this way. So forgive me for my venting.

Love and Hugs to all,

Susie