LIVING AFTER A STROKE

    ITS BEEN A LITTLE OVER A MONTH SINCE I PUT ANY THING IN THIS JOURNAL. THE TRUTH IS I HAVE SOME NUMBNESS ON THE RIGHT SIDE MAKING IT A LITTLE DIFFICULT TO WRITE. TWO OF MY PRISON FRIENDS DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS AND WANT LETTERS FROM ME. I'M NOT THE SAME PERSON I ONCE WAS, TODAY I WENT TO THE DOCTOR WITH THE HANDI-CAP VAN AND I INSISTED HE TOOK ME TO THE WRONG BUILDING, BOY DID I FEEL LIKE A FOOL WHEN I REALIZED I WAS AT THE RIGHT SPOT. IT SEEMS TO BE A NEVER ENDING THING GOING TO DIFFERENT DOCTORS, TOMORROW IT IS FOR PULMINARY, AND I'M SO TIRED AND DRAINED. I FEEL ITS BECAUSE THEY PUT ME ON A ANTI-DEPRESENT THATS WAY TO STRONG, EFFEXOR 75 MG, I NEEDED SOMETHING AFTER THE STROKE BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE A WALKING ZOMBIE. I HAVE A AIDE THAT COMES IN 3 TIMES A WEEK, SHE DOESN'T DO MUCH BUT MASSAGE MY LEGS, I DON'T SAY ANY THING BECAUSE SHE DOES A GOOD JOB ON MY LEGS, PLUS I CAN'T EXPECT HER TO CLEAN UP AFTER THE REST OF THE FAMILY. FREDDY IS OK, HAPPY THAT HE WAS FINALLY ABLE TO GET HIS RING, BUT HE GAINED WEIGHT AND IT JUST FITS HIM, HIS OTHER WEDDING BAND WILL NOT FIT HIM, THE ONE I TOOK AWAY FROM HIM A FEW MONTHS AGO. I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE ABLE TO SEE HIM AGAIN, I GUESS IF GOD WILL ITS I'LL BE ABLE TO GO.    WE ARE SO LUCKY TO BE ALIVE, 2 NIGHTS AGO A SMOKE ALARM WENT OFF AT 2:40 AM, WOKE ME AND CASSY UP, THERE WAS NO SMOKE, BUT I HAD BEEN SMELLING A WEIRD ORDER FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS OR SO, IT DIDN'T SMELL LIKE GAS, AND IT WAS A SMOKE ALARM THAT WENT OFF. I CALLED THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, 911 I MEAN THEY TOLD US TO GET OUT OF THE APARTMENT, WE WERE OUTSIDE FOR ABOUT A HOUR, THEY DETECTED A ORDER BUT COULD NOT CONFIRM WHERE THE HECK IT WAS COMING FROM AND HAD TO CALL THE GAS COMPANY. WE WERE TOLD IT WAS SAFE, ACTUALLY IT WASN'T, I FOUND OUT THE NEXT DAY IT WAS A MAJOR GAS LEAK, THE GAS MAN TOLD ME IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT CRAZY ALARM WE COULD HAVE DIED THAT NIGHT. GOD IS GOOD, OR WHAT EVER, WHOM EVER MADE THAT ALARM GO OFF IT SAVED OUR LIVES.     I REALLY BELIEVE I STILL HAVE A PURPOSE HERE ON HELLS EARTH, WITH IN 6 MONTHS DEATH HAS KNOCKED AT MY DOOR 3 TIMES, FIRST THE CAR ACCIDENT, SECOND THE STROKE, AND THIRD THE GAS LEAK..........HOPEFULLY 2009 HAS NO SURPRISES BUT GOOD ONES.                                                                                     JUST ME