"Little Match Girl"

So re-reading the book "Women Who Run With The Wolves", I'm finding it interesting that many of my notes no longer seem to make sense to me.   I think it's because my "world" took such an extreme jolt to it when I found out about all the things the X did toward the end of my marriage and the shattered illusions that came with them.  (I was SO in a "Bluebeard" situation - and the "blood on the key" was my own...)   
I'm SO different now, that I actually started pulling off my Post-its that referenced who and what I was thinking about back then that no longer fit, but then I realized that in doing so I would just confuse myself even further in the future... since my memory is so shot, lol.
BUT, being in a new area/stage/era of my life right now, chapters that didn't apply before DO NOW.   Especially the "Little Match Girl" one.... I've been procrastinating again!  I'm still sitting here, fantasizing about my future, while at the same time procrastinating about my inheritance and the IRS.   I think it's because I don't want to know.... I don't want to know if it's all going to go to them and that all my hopes for a future will be dashed and I'll struggle financially forever.   And so I've just been sitting, dreaming about what "could be" instead of DOING... And ironically, this causes me greater stress than knowing.  Because with knowing, you can actually DO something about it. 
And so shortly, I'm getting my taxes done today, hoping I'll have an answer today.   If the answer is yes, it's all gone, then I know what to do, will have to work harder and more focused to achieve my dreams.... but if the answer is no, and that I get to keep it all, then I begin DOING those dreams immediately.   I've actually already started as far as getting research done this past week... next up is digging in deep and making my business plan, etc.  
Why didn't I do this before?   FEAR.  A fear of failure.   And yet the book says (not an exact quote), so what if you fail - you move on!   Which triggered my memory of when I moved here to the Hills... I was in a motel room half way across Minnesota and called home in fear and said to my husband "What the HELL am I doing?"  And he said, "DO IT, you've always wanted to"... and I remember thinking I can always return home... I can always start over... and I finished that trip and made it to the Hills and my fear was GONE; and 20 years later, I'm still in the Hills and haven't regretted a thing - not even the disappointments and challenges - because that made me who I am today...   And my fear of my future has just faded away as well...
So, I'm off.... I'll update later on in the week!   :)