Little green monsters everywhere...
Incredibly ironic. It seems like everywhere around me women are popping up with uber cute baby bellies and I'm just over here like hey look at what I did with this yarn... >_>
All around me at work there are women finding out they're pregnant or going through IVF to get pregnant. What really bums me out is that last week my friend at work told me she was pretty sure she was pregnant. And then I get a text the next night telling me she took a test and it was positive. I am happy for her. I am. What gets to me is that this has been a process for me two years in the making and she got married two months ago and boop, there's a baby.
I know that all this is just a lesson in patience and that there is a reason it's not happening for me right away... but it's still tough to grin and bear it.
I'm finding it harder to remain in a positive attitude, especially right around the beginning of my cycles. I know it's not good to look at it as another month, another failure... but sometimes that's how I feel. Right now I'm waiting for my cycle to come and feeling the tenderness there and knowing it's on its way... but it's still three days late. It's definitely bittersweet because it makes me want to hope... but I know better. Like nature is toying with me. How can I change this outlook? Forcing myself to be positive just gets me more annoyed.
It's even worse that I already have a horrible temper. I guess everything looks a little lower when your homones are just out of whack. And boy I feel like mine are.
All around me at work there are women finding out they're pregnant or going through IVF to get pregnant. What really bums me out is that last week my friend at work told me she was pretty sure she was pregnant. And then I get a text the next night telling me she took a test and it was positive. I am happy for her. I am. What gets to me is that this has been a process for me two years in the making and she got married two months ago and boop, there's a baby.
I know that all this is just a lesson in patience and that there is a reason it's not happening for me right away... but it's still tough to grin and bear it.
I'm finding it harder to remain in a positive attitude, especially right around the beginning of my cycles. I know it's not good to look at it as another month, another failure... but sometimes that's how I feel. Right now I'm waiting for my cycle to come and feeling the tenderness there and knowing it's on its way... but it's still three days late. It's definitely bittersweet because it makes me want to hope... but I know better. Like nature is toying with me. How can I change this outlook? Forcing myself to be positive just gets me more annoyed.
It's even worse that I already have a horrible temper. I guess everything looks a little lower when your homones are just out of whack. And boy I feel like mine are.
Replies
I\'m sorry - I know the feeling of each month passing by, knowing the inevitable AF is going to show. I found that it was best to acknowledge my feelings, give myself a few minutes (or more) to be jealous, angry, sad, frustrated. Then once I\'d cried, maybe screamed a little bit, I could move on. I don\'t force happiness, either it\'s there or it\'s not. I\'m actually a relatively happy person, as long as I give myself the time to acknowledge and deal with the other feelings that come with life.
It sucks, its not fair and I\'m sorry you\'re struggling. Like you, I am happy for others around me, but I am still sad for me. Its hard to constantly grin, bear it and act as if all is fine. Make sure you take time to really acknowledge how your heart feels. Don\'t deny yourself and stuff all the emotions you are feeling and realize that what you are feeling is normal and doesn\'t make you a bad person.
Thinking of you and sending you ((HUGS))
I totally understand how you feel...everywhere I look I see the same thing. I feel like the only loser who can\'t get pregnant by the drop of the dime. Then you feel bad for feeling bad because you know you should feel happy for someone. It\'s a double edge sword at times. Just know you are not the only one who notices baby bumps EVERYWHERE...
The beginning is hard for me too. I\'m there right now, I can\'t sleep, I\'m stressed, and now I have given myself a stomach ache. I think too much, wayyy too much. I saw this last week and I thought it was fitting based on what you said about patience: http://www.jokeoverflow.com/picture-jokes/whatever/cards-with-a-difference/attachment/patience-is-a-virtue
Good luck this time!
Oh my goodness that picture made my whole day! I laughed obnoxiously loud at work and it was so worth it. Thanks for your words of support, this site is awesome.