little better then a week

its been a little better then a week since my father died.  i think the numbness is starting to set in.  first couple days i cried mourning and night during the day i managed to talk to my self and talk to him but i know he can't hear me.  i think about life and death a lot now.  i go to dark places, i have to move on i know that because i think i have many years ahead of me... the dot dot dot is me starting to tear up i never had much of a religion. i even consider my self a athiest but now that i have lost im leaning more and more agnostic i want to think that there is more than this life... but i have no evidence... all i have is sorrow... and pain no joy. not sure this is helping