Lightbulb moment at end of post!

I've been gone again, I know.  I am in so much emotional/mental pain from med changes.  I've never been in this kind of deperate pain that I can remember.  I've got to be brave and give the meds treatment a chance to kick in--it can take 2 to 3 weeks.  Then, there always seems to be another tweaking change and another 2 to 3 weeks.  Oh God, I need your help, Lord.  This has got to be one of the very hardest things I've had to go through.  I can't give in to it or I'm done so the battle continues.  I am thankful for a very smart Psych who believes in God, prayer and the Bible.  That is one answer to my prayers.  I've avoided therapy sessions but I think I need to face the music and go, if for nothing else than coping strategies.  I must come to the conclusion that, although I have always relied on myself and God for emotional strength, and sometimes my husband, I must allow for the fact that I need to learn to lean on other people sometimes.  A friend said I must learn to let others minister to me--I can't always be the one to minister help to others.  I just don't want to be weak when someone might need me to be strong.  I just had a lightbulb moment!  My Psych read me a scripture on Tuesday about how when we are weak, that's when God is strong in our lives. I just now realized, as I typed the previous sentence, that my always trying to be STRONG is exactly what I must give up.  I am at the weakest that I've ever been--near the point of giving up life--so, now, I must stop that last bit of struggle left in me so God can be THE STRENGTH of & in my life.  It's only when we are finally weak that we get out of God's way and stop messing up His plans for resolving our plights.  He will not force Himself or His solutions in our lives. He will allow us to choose our own ways, even if its harmful.  Wow! Am I thick or what?  Soooo thick! Soooo Sooo thick!  Its so simple and something I've known about but not in the context of mental/emotional disorders.  Duh--God knows no boundaries--labels mean nothing to Him.  Pain is pain, weakness is weakness whether viral or bacterial illness, or physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, cellular, hormonal, whatever.  I've allowed my distress to move my focus to me and my dilemma and my waning strength instead of having faith that God's already working on it and to trust Him and those he's given me to help me through (including my hubby & my Psych). (I do know better than to write run on's like that, but this is a journal.)  Ok.  I feel a bit better already.  It's not my fight anymore--I'll follow orders and move ahead but I don't need to be the strategist and fortifier, etc and so on.  I need to allow myself to trust the judgement of others who have been sent/appointed/chosen to help me.  This is the whole issue or at least the main issue, I think.  Whew.  Okay, I get it so I'm ready to move on to explore the solution.  Life is such a wild trip.  I think I'm going to start healing now, and yes, I will follow my Psych's recommendation to see his therapist co-worker--she may be able to help me cope with these dosage transitions with some kind of strategies.  Who knows what else she might make me realize.  I'm ready to stop struggling against what I cannot control by my own power.  *sigh of relief*