Light bulb went on!
Okay - I will admit - I've heard this message over and over and over and over again and I still wasn't ready or willing to change. Just like an addict - I had to want to. I still had some things confused but now I am clearer. It's all about letting go much more than I have. Part of T's probation terms have been about not only about community (staying out of trouble with the law) but also about school performance and home behavior. Well - the school situation has improved some and home behavior improved 10 fold (until this last week) but even when things were bad - those two parts of it didn't seem to matter for his probation. Even though it's written very clearly on the terms of probation that he follow the rules for school, home, and community - the one that only counts is community. Sometimes the team would respond when things were getting shaky but now it's getting close to the end, after a year. NO wonder his support team hasn't really batted an eye when he would misbehave in school or home. I finally get it. And - I finally was ready to hear what the home counselor suggested - that I take a huge step back and let hubby take over more. Since he's not here a lot - then so what? If T decides he going to go want he wants and they're not the right decisions then let the chips lay where they fall. I am going to Al Anon tonight and for the first time since attending I feel like I made some progress. I really do....... It will be evident in my journals. *Strangely enough......a year ago tomorrow is when I called the neighboring high school to report that one of their students tried to sell heroin to my son while he was on house arrest. It was big news - breaking news on the local TV stations and in all the local newspapers. A lot has transpired since then. In fact, the next day my son must have had some left over heroin she gave him from the previous day because he was under the influence and out of control when we called the police. They arrested him where he spent the night in juvenile detention. What a year.
Replies
I have always thought that you were doing great, but I\'m happy to know that you feel you have made progress. I do think that letting go would be harder for you, since he so young. I have also started going back to Nar-anon. :)
How about having the school contact your husband 100% rather than you? Go back to work and let him deal with the no shows and tracking him down. His frustration level might increase such that he takes a more active role and sees the day to day issues in terms of dealing with T.
I know that marriage with an educator strongly influenced our ideas about school responsibilities.... but it\'s hard to let you kid fail when you know it could be different. It\'s even harder when you know that there are huge consequences like no HS diploma. However, learning has to come from internal motivation........can only hope that T decides that he is accustomed to the quality of life he has with you and decides at some point to go to school/work so that he can maintain that \"comfort\" level. Letting go is a lot easier when they don\'t live with you!
Hopefully, one of the benefits of \"letting go\" is that your stress level will go down. Hang in there and take care!!!!!