Life without casual sex day 2
I gazed into my WhatsApp today and looked at the beautiful boys there, all waiting, seemingly to meet up, or certainly to chat. I know that if I don't chat with most of them (apart from one or two) they will stay silent. They are like chat bots to me and I can easily get involved in trying to arrange a get-together - when are they free, where can we meet, perhaps having some erotic moments, taking photos, sending some photos. One particular guy I was speaking to - who thinks he's my friend even tho he's totally self-centered - but fascinating - and attractive and I want him. Now I know I don't have to - can't just keep talking to him for the hope that he will yield. I don't have to waste his time, he doesn't have to waste my time. But still even now he invites me to his house on Thursday and I say I will go. There are boys on the edge of friendship. There are boys I have had sex with and are now kind of friends.
However, there are lots of other boys who I can clearly delete chats with. Gradually I am chipping away at the sources of my addiction ... I become triggered when i think about what to do about the guys who are on the edge ... it seems so sad to say "no more," but then when I look at my list of things that I gain from casual sex, there is just "meet new people" and "makes me feel good for a bit." So if I engage in it again, I will just open up the wound.
Anyway, on the plus side, I had plenty of spare time today (because not cruising online) and so I went to the paint shop to get samples for the bedroom and I painted my blinds black and white, as well as having a meeting and finishing my work.
Having time for other activities is a really encouraging aspect.
I am also trying to use friends who are on a similar wavelength to me. They both know what it is like to be on these sites but can both support my fight. I realise I haven't spoken to other of my friends about this struggle on its own terms.
A friend says my partner has to stop as well ... but he doesn't really have very much extra-marital. It's just like quitting drinking. I don't need to make him stop just because I have. It is up to him.
However, there are lots of other boys who I can clearly delete chats with. Gradually I am chipping away at the sources of my addiction ... I become triggered when i think about what to do about the guys who are on the edge ... it seems so sad to say "no more," but then when I look at my list of things that I gain from casual sex, there is just "meet new people" and "makes me feel good for a bit." So if I engage in it again, I will just open up the wound.
Anyway, on the plus side, I had plenty of spare time today (because not cruising online) and so I went to the paint shop to get samples for the bedroom and I painted my blinds black and white, as well as having a meeting and finishing my work.
Having time for other activities is a really encouraging aspect.
I am also trying to use friends who are on a similar wavelength to me. They both know what it is like to be on these sites but can both support my fight. I realise I haven't spoken to other of my friends about this struggle on its own terms.
A friend says my partner has to stop as well ... but he doesn't really have very much extra-marital. It's just like quitting drinking. I don't need to make him stop just because I have. It is up to him.
Replies