Life update

well its been over two years since I last Logged in and updated anything, and in that time a lot has changed. I found a boyfriend and the got engaged but as the case would be here in Indiana we are at a stand still with moving passed engaged, but he is the great guy that loves me so much just doesn't really understand the way i think and see the world... I don't think anyone can though. Out side of my love life i have started a small web design business and a corporation that host events for the GLBTQ community. I have also joined a church that is full of some of the most wonderful open minded people i have ever seen in my life. the people that i attend church with live with and then work with have become like a family to me I can alway count on them to be there to catch me if I fall. but here i am again two years later sitting behind a keyboard looking for a touchstone here on DS to keep me centered. I suppose it's because i keep catching myself trying to slip back into old patterns and there aren't many people in my life now that knew what I went though years ago and for some reason I don't want then to know. My Boyfriend DJ doesn't even know everything and I don't want him too, he shouldn't need to know some of the feelings and emotions I have because I know he also deals with both bi-polar and depression and he doesn't handle it as well as I have learned to over the years. I digress what i am trying to say is lately I have been under a lot of stress with work and my personal life and i am finding my self struggling with depression and and a lot of "what if" type questions and for the most part I am handling it but I know I am not handling it correctly (I am starting to just bottle up and push aside my emotions) and it's starting to affect my poorly my work is getting sloppy and even my taste in music is getting more depressing  and I am not eating or sleeping right. I am back because I remember how much the support helped me last time and I plan to make sure that I stay close to a support system this time instead of pulling away and creating a cycle.