life sucks

I constantly feel like I am not good enough for anyone. Whenever I get a boyfriend I feel like they are just going to end up leaving so I put up walls and push them away to the point where they end up breaking up with me because they can't handle the stress. I feel like everyone is out to get me and make sure that I feel like shit constantly. When I was in the hospital I felt normal. I felt like I was with my forever friends. Knowing that the people in there were dealing with the same stuff as me helped me get through it. I constantly feel like I am the ugliest person alive. I want to have someone tell me that they are there for me and that they think I am beautiful inside and out and actually mean it. I really really like this guy and I am scared that he thinks I am ugly. I want to talk to him 24/7. I want to be with him every chance I get. But when I think of being in a relationship with him I get scared and tell myself that he probably has a girlfriend or that there is a reason why I can't be with him. It has always been like this for me. I hate it. I just want some confidence.