LIfe sucks
I'm scared of everyone's reactions. I'm scared of people at work. I'm scared of being critized, I'm scared of it all. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so disconnected from who I am and what's going on in reality. I don't have a template i can compare normalcy to, why on earth would God allow me to go through this? He continues to let me suffer, and the best encouragement I get is 'suffer well'. What if I don't want to suffer? But at that point I don't have a a choice, I have to endure this miserable body of mine. My teeth or worn from grinding if this is what they meant by hell, I guess I'm in it. Gnashing of teeth I already do that. How can hell be anywose than earth?
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Goodness you sound SO MUCH like me when I am down. To the point of actual verbatum sentences I say to myself. Then I remember how much I have overcome in 29 years and how challenges remain, but I have changed my life tremendously simply because I changed my thinking. That is literally all it takes, but it is work and you have to work at it everyday. I never really understood the whole think positive thing because to me, why would I do that, nothing but negativity happens to me and comes my way, even if positive stuff happens negative always follows. Well, I decided to say \"okay, let me see, what do I have to lose?\" It changed my life..
The first thing you need to do is believe that you can have a life where you control your thinking and fears and not the other way around. Believe and know that you will have a life you want, that God will always put the right people, things, and opportunities in your life to help you get out of this, but you have to recognize it. KNOW that \"I am going to be normal and live a normal fulfilling life.\" It is really that simple. If you really don\'t want to suffer, see yourself NOT suffering and how wonderful that would be. The more you do that, the more you will start to see it is possible. The more you dwell on how much it sucks, the more it will suck. I never understood this concept, now I do and I am forever grateful. I still struggling everyday, but I have never been so happy in my life-overall. I never thought it was possible years ago.
Just hold on, your happiness is on its way.
i hit a pretty low point a couple of weeks ago. i was always watching for my boss. when he was at the office i was waiting for him to leave. when he was gone i knew he\'d be back any second...pure torture. i was very scared to do anythng wrong. i was scared i\'d get fired because i took a message wrong or i sat in my chair funny. i get really terrible acid reflux. i probably drank a gallon of mylanta...he commented on that too. Thank goodness he took a week of vacation so i could cool off. that is when i realized my OCD. now i\'m getting stressed with him again so i\'ll put my new skills to the test. it\'s no fun though. today felt like i was losing. we\'ll see what happens on monday. i will be thinking of you facing the same challenges. i hope we will both have the strength. good luck.