Life/Soos

I think I am really depressed about Soos...She somewhat had the courage to do what we all have thought of doing since that horrible day our children left us....The thought of going on out of this life has been an ever strong pull even though most of have not it does not mean that our minds want to take us to the place of no pain, to hold our child again..yet something does keep us hanging on here waiting until our time...Some like Soos so much pressure, so many influnces surrounded her that it must have gotten to the point of not being able to pull out of of abyss as some of us have come so close to reaching...it is sad yes when someone reaches that place of no return, yet most of us who have lost our child can so relate to those feelings...to go to a place where we no longer feel this pain that haunts us...to find peace within our minds...to find something that we lost and have no way of knowing how to get the peace back within us even as much as we try..
I feel that there are times/days, that we feel we are okay only to be thrown back into the dark hole of despair...wishing to change things, make them back like they were before this thing called life through us into the mud, into the worst of worst pain a heart can take...Even at times when we can sorta take that pain and put it in a little box for a time yet never really gone and then out of the box again comes the pain full force..again we wonder how do we get through, how do we survive..how could this have happened to our life..We did our best, we raised our children , we taught them good from bad..we loved and we gave love, yet it was not enough to keep them with us..
I know I feel at this time that I am falling into the abyss...I know I will pull myself back out but the pain of the loss, the pain my child is gone...the knowing that he is painfree, gives me no peace...no I never wanted him to be in pai.I just wanted him to be happy to be able to live his life pain free..When I am in this dark abyss, I can not see out, I can not understand the why's of any of it and at times I just don't have no answer to give to anyone...no answers for myself...I just know that as you I miss my child so much...
As Soos, the pain became so great for her...she held on, I could tell by what she wrote to me..the responses to my journals, she held on...but there was something that took her into the dark abyss and she could not find her way back..She needed peace as we all do...She needed to find what she had lost as we all want...yes maybe she had outside circumstances that lead her to go on into the abyss, to find that total peace she could not find here in this world...We know she is at peace now with her son..but as much as we all long for that peace...we hold on...we comfort Soos on her journey..but we also comfort each of us that know that we choose to hold on to this life to ones who need us..to the ones who depend on us....
I am sure that making that final decision as Soos did is not an easy step...nor is our decisions to keep on going waiting for the day we will be re-united with our loved ones..I am thankful for the support I have...even in the dark days when I feel the pain is too much...my support comes and helps me to hold on...I am just so sad about Soos, I am so sad about the family in Bloomington, In who are searching for their daughter, I am so sorry for the boy who was attacked by the shark...and I am so sorry for the families who are now going through what we have gone through...
Sadness of hearing of such things happen, the loss of another beautiful child, another  sad family...almost too much to bear..knowing what their pain is like..knowing the pain that still lies ahead of them..knowing that the pain really never stops...But knowing too that there are people like all of you who stand with me..and I with you to stay strong and the support we get from our family and friends even though sometimes they do not understand they are there...i wonder Did I let Soos down..was I so busy with my life changes that I did not have or take time to talk to her for a while...I hope not I hope that I will always take the time to be there for someone in need..Maybe there are times we do as much as we can and that is all we can do and it is left to our Higher Power...If I believe the Bible which I do..It does say ..That there is a time for things..and one of those is a time to live and a time to die...We do not know our times...as sad as it it when it seems the time comes too soon for some, maybe just maybe that was their time...I believe that we are only given a certain time on this earth and then God calls us home however it is that He does, and even though us who are left behind feel the pain of ones gone too early..we know we have the hope, the truth to know that they are now with who is most important our God.
Our God is our final destination..Our God is our most higher power that knows all..who gives all and who loans us our children, our friends...our loved ones..and it is our God who will one day re-unite us together once again...
To Soos and all our loved ones...rejoice in the Glory of your Heavely Home..Give our children our love and one day even if we never met face to face on this earth one day we will all be together...sharing the love that you have now...Until that day we will keep on waiting...being there for each other..holding on to each other...We will know that when God says it is our time we will join , but until that day...we wait...we love .we care..
Each of us will continue to help each other, hold on, and know that together we will travel this road together...we will reach out when the pain get bad, we will hold on to each other when the pain gets bad...and we will know that we are loved by others and we will share our love to others...We love you Soos...we love our children...we love each other...We will stay together, giving support to each other...And we will never forget...there are others who need us always...We are sorry Soos that it got to heavy to bear, but maybe we learned that we must never forgot...we will remember to reach out and be there for the ones who are crying out to us in the depth of their pain..
Until that day...we keep on going and until that day we keep on loving...we keep on being as strong as we can..Until that day God calls us home....we will be there for each other...
I love each of you who have been there for me...given me strength,..given me the ability to handle what I need to do...Thank you for your love..Sandi