Life seems not worth living sometimes

OK, today was the end of an emotionally abusive 3 year long relationship that i kept hanging on to because I do not want to be alone in life, alone is this world, and I now realize that i need to end it for good and work thru the pain and get my head together and quit the bad relationship cycle. All my relationships have been abusive, for 12 years i was physically and emotionally abused by my sons father , we have been apart for 10 years and he still is threatening to kill me or have me killed and has pictures of my friends and I, and we live 100 miles apart, yet he has someone watching and taking pics of my son and I. Sounds crazy hu? I know! then this guy, 3 years of emotional abuse, contolling behavior and he would blame it on me. Call my friends names, tell me to choose between him or my friends. How can you be friends with them. Whenever things were going well he would do things like all of a sudden not talk to me, not show up for days, leave for days and not tell me what was going on. I think i was stupid to believe his excuses and lies, but i would give him the benefit of the doubt. Today he threw dog shit in my swimming pool, and I got angry, got it out with my pool screen and swung it back into his yard in his pool. He is not a good person, yet he tells me i'm bad and no good, i'm easy, because he is jealous and when i had friends over he said i was drinking and having sex at my house and he's breaking up with me. I was so dumb, trying to tell him i didn't drink, my friends drank, nobody was having sex at my house, we had 6 people here you can ask them , nobody was having sex. He would call my friend a bitch and say all my friends are losers. Now, with a more clear head, i opened my eyes and see that he is the one with problems and he was filling my life with anxiety and stress, and you all know, thats not good when you already have depression and anxiety disorders, not good at all, i was almost ready to check myself in for help because he even had me thinking i was crazy. He takes my vulnerability and used it agains me because he knew how it hurts me the most. But i realize now i was paddling up the wrong river, barking up the wrong tree, he doesnt love me, he tries to hurt me over and over again, and all i can say is i feel stupid, for ever liking him at all in the first place now.
ok, so today i pilled all his stuff that was at my house in his driveway and backyard, i now havei nothing of his here, and i'm going to church tonight, confess my anger, and start all over from square one and try to do better and watch out for the bad people from now on.