Life's Reflection

This is an emotionally and spiritually painful time for me. You might think getting a promotion and getting a new car have been great, and they have. But for some reason, I realized that so much is missing from my life. Basic things. No friends, no boyfriend/husband, and nothing to look forward to. I feel as though I am just marking time and not enjoying life. I am misunderstood by everyone and I fit in nowhere. It's always been that way... I feel as though people only want to use me for my brain and for what I can give them, but could care less about me. I'm always caring about others and making sure they have what they need and trying to make them happy but I'm not happy myself. I try to be happy and try to speak positive but it's like life always wants to punch me in the face. I questioned why I was even born and like Job, wished I hadn't been. This is no way for someone to live. I don't contemplate suicide, but just wish I had not been born.
The way I'm feeling right now stems from a mix of things...
On my new job, there's so many things that are different from anything I've ever done and I feel like an idiot almost everyday