Life: Rose Garden Full of Beauty: Full of pain from the Thorns
I like watching the show Criminal Minds. We recorded it last night and watched it today. It was a story line of children being taken and never found. Out of the ones taken only 3 survived. Of all things at the end of the story, the wife of the kidnapper family owns a Funeral Home with a creamatory. My son Kenny was creamated. Something I really did not need to see today so of course the pain hit really hard.
Today we went out. The sun is shinning bring, I hate it when the sun shines. I am sad so the cloudy days fit my mood. I always look at the clouds to see what they make. Sometimes a bear, sometimes a doggie, just all kinds of shapes in the clouds. There were very few clouds today. There were three and the design of them were different than I had ever seen before, I so wished I had had my camera.
Friday will be my husband's birthday and Monday will be mine. We are the same age.We were going to get doggie cookies for Abby and I made the statement that this has been one long year since our last birthday, he said he agreed. We started thinking why did the year seem so long. Here is the list:
1. We purchased a motor home to be able to travel with our dog Zoey who had kidney failure.
2. We took a trip in Feb to see my son Kenny and family, and we stayed a few days and got to watch my grandson's football game. He is really good. We left for a few days went on south down to MS and then came back to my son's for another football game that weekend. Then we headed home.
3. March we went to Nascar races twice. Each time we went it was like my husband could hardly make it to our seats. I ended up caring everything which I can't do because of my back fusions, and knee replacement. But he was so out of breath he barely could walk.
4. We got back home and by the end of April, he was in the hospital with a triple-by-pass. A few days longer, he would have had a massive heart attack.
5. He had his surgery and did fine. He came home and 3 weeks later we lost our beloved dog Zoey, she could no longer fight the kidney failure. We both fell apart. My husband cried so hard and said he felt if he had not had the surgery first he would have died too.
6. We ended up buying a new puppy 6 wks old. Wow a handful, but so sweet.
7. In Sept after my husband recoved from his heart surgery, we headed back to see Kenny, he was still doing okay. He had never been out of pain from 07, but they just kept saying it was bone and nerve pain. We had a good visit. Kenny took us to a new mom and pop pizza place. The best pizza every. We had fun.
8. At the end of Sept is when Ken lost his ability to speak correctly, we headed back to AL to see what was happeniing. The doctor's kept saying his symptoms from the different meds he had been put on. Stupid Doctor!!!!. We stayed until our puppy had to have her surgery and came home for about a week. I went back by myself to watch the football play-offs. I got there late, and my son looked so bad. He just sorta waved at me. At half time he went and sit in the truck it was so cold. So I really didn't get to see him much that night as I was called back to the motel cause Abby was barking. A large troup of volley ball teams were there, I wonder why she was barking, so I did not see Kenny till the next morning. That morning he was taking a shower and fell. Ken was a big guy and it took everything his wife could do to help him and finally had to call their son.
9 Kenny comes out and I am waiting in my room at the door and he smiled and waved at me. I sit there and watched as he got in the van. All of a sudden I notice his arm is just hanging. I go over to him and say honey can you not move your arm. He shook his head no so I lifted it and put it in his lap. Same as his leg.Could not believe in that length of time less than a week he had lost more functions.
10. My husband had come on back down with the motor home that following week. During that week I stayed with my son while his wife worked. On Monday's we would go to the doctors at UAB. Never during all these symptoms did the doctor offer to run a scan, just kept saying it was the medicines they were trying to help his pain. I kept thinking he was having mini-stokes.
11. We took him to his doctors appointment Oct. and Nov., they did blood test, they did chemo, but they never ran scans. As it goes most of you know he went into the hospital the Sunday before Thanksgiving. His wife and I sit with him day and night.
12, Dec. 30th, 2009 he lost his battle with the cancer.
Between all those different bitter sad things that happened that took up our year, there were also some good things, but even good things can be stressful. I had 2 grandchildren get married, My son Jeff's son got married, Kenny's daughter got married, Shawn's daughter got married. We had grandchildren graduation's. So as we reflected on the year we realized why it had seem like such a long time since our birthday's last year.
I can't believe we are in March. Ken's services was Jan 2, 2010. A few weeks later we had a new granddaughter born and in June Ken daughter will be having another great grand daughter.
So reflecting today my husband and I now we know why the year seems so long ago when we had our birthdays last year.
2010 has not been the beginning of a good year either. But we also have some good things happening but I don't know if we can take another year like the year 2009. Even though there are good things happening for our family, so far it has been the saddest year of my life.
I do know for sure one thing, Kenny is in Heaven, out of pain, completely well, and somehow we will get through all the sadness one day. And we will be happy for the new things in our life so far this year and the new lives that will begin this year.
So even though my mind is feeling so dark and I wish the sun would go away, there is reason for the clouds and reason for the sun, there are reasons for the tears of pain and for the tears of joy of a new born. Life is like a rose garden full of beauty as the flowers bloom but full so pain from the thorns.
My year!
Today we went out. The sun is shinning bring, I hate it when the sun shines. I am sad so the cloudy days fit my mood. I always look at the clouds to see what they make. Sometimes a bear, sometimes a doggie, just all kinds of shapes in the clouds. There were very few clouds today. There were three and the design of them were different than I had ever seen before, I so wished I had had my camera.
Friday will be my husband's birthday and Monday will be mine. We are the same age.We were going to get doggie cookies for Abby and I made the statement that this has been one long year since our last birthday, he said he agreed. We started thinking why did the year seem so long. Here is the list:
1. We purchased a motor home to be able to travel with our dog Zoey who had kidney failure.
2. We took a trip in Feb to see my son Kenny and family, and we stayed a few days and got to watch my grandson's football game. He is really good. We left for a few days went on south down to MS and then came back to my son's for another football game that weekend. Then we headed home.
3. March we went to Nascar races twice. Each time we went it was like my husband could hardly make it to our seats. I ended up caring everything which I can't do because of my back fusions, and knee replacement. But he was so out of breath he barely could walk.
4. We got back home and by the end of April, he was in the hospital with a triple-by-pass. A few days longer, he would have had a massive heart attack.
5. He had his surgery and did fine. He came home and 3 weeks later we lost our beloved dog Zoey, she could no longer fight the kidney failure. We both fell apart. My husband cried so hard and said he felt if he had not had the surgery first he would have died too.
6. We ended up buying a new puppy 6 wks old. Wow a handful, but so sweet.
7. In Sept after my husband recoved from his heart surgery, we headed back to see Kenny, he was still doing okay. He had never been out of pain from 07, but they just kept saying it was bone and nerve pain. We had a good visit. Kenny took us to a new mom and pop pizza place. The best pizza every. We had fun.
8. At the end of Sept is when Ken lost his ability to speak correctly, we headed back to AL to see what was happeniing. The doctor's kept saying his symptoms from the different meds he had been put on. Stupid Doctor!!!!. We stayed until our puppy had to have her surgery and came home for about a week. I went back by myself to watch the football play-offs. I got there late, and my son looked so bad. He just sorta waved at me. At half time he went and sit in the truck it was so cold. So I really didn't get to see him much that night as I was called back to the motel cause Abby was barking. A large troup of volley ball teams were there, I wonder why she was barking, so I did not see Kenny till the next morning. That morning he was taking a shower and fell. Ken was a big guy and it took everything his wife could do to help him and finally had to call their son.
9 Kenny comes out and I am waiting in my room at the door and he smiled and waved at me. I sit there and watched as he got in the van. All of a sudden I notice his arm is just hanging. I go over to him and say honey can you not move your arm. He shook his head no so I lifted it and put it in his lap. Same as his leg.Could not believe in that length of time less than a week he had lost more functions.
10. My husband had come on back down with the motor home that following week. During that week I stayed with my son while his wife worked. On Monday's we would go to the doctors at UAB. Never during all these symptoms did the doctor offer to run a scan, just kept saying it was the medicines they were trying to help his pain. I kept thinking he was having mini-stokes.
11. We took him to his doctors appointment Oct. and Nov., they did blood test, they did chemo, but they never ran scans. As it goes most of you know he went into the hospital the Sunday before Thanksgiving. His wife and I sit with him day and night.
12, Dec. 30th, 2009 he lost his battle with the cancer.
Between all those different bitter sad things that happened that took up our year, there were also some good things, but even good things can be stressful. I had 2 grandchildren get married, My son Jeff's son got married, Kenny's daughter got married, Shawn's daughter got married. We had grandchildren graduation's. So as we reflected on the year we realized why it had seem like such a long time since our birthday's last year.
I can't believe we are in March. Ken's services was Jan 2, 2010. A few weeks later we had a new granddaughter born and in June Ken daughter will be having another great grand daughter.
So reflecting today my husband and I now we know why the year seems so long ago when we had our birthdays last year.
2010 has not been the beginning of a good year either. But we also have some good things happening but I don't know if we can take another year like the year 2009. Even though there are good things happening for our family, so far it has been the saddest year of my life.
I do know for sure one thing, Kenny is in Heaven, out of pain, completely well, and somehow we will get through all the sadness one day. And we will be happy for the new things in our life so far this year and the new lives that will begin this year.
So even though my mind is feeling so dark and I wish the sun would go away, there is reason for the clouds and reason for the sun, there are reasons for the tears of pain and for the tears of joy of a new born. Life is like a rose garden full of beauty as the flowers bloom but full so pain from the thorns.
My year!
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