Life is Hard

July 24th 2010
It is so hot right now it's making me sick. I never minded the heat this much until I entered the wonderful years of menopause. Add to the uncomfortable heat the frustration of my aging parents who deny everything- aging, illness, dementia, on and on. My mom had another one of her "episodes" last night which left me feeling incredibly guilty for not dropping everything and driving 20 minutes to go to their house. I love them and care deeply about them but can't live with them and never felt very close to them. I also have a "friend" who constantly dumps all her problems and trouble on me..... AND she has a LOT! Mental& physical ailments, relational problems, financial problems...she just drops in anytime and sits at my kitchen table literally wailing and crying about her life. AND some bittersweet news, my beloved son has found employment! Although it is probably only temporary he is making excellent money....I am really happy about that BUT, there is always a BUT...he is working two hours away, staying in a motel during the week, he knows no one in the area, and he's working terribly long hours out in the heat, sometimes 17 hours a day! I am a bit worried about him to say the least...he's a smart boy and can take care of himself...but I miss him and picture him all alone in his motel room eating a frozen dinner every night. Kids are strong and resilient, but it's me that's suffering from extreme anxiety right now. I usually self medicate with alcohol, but I may need more. Sometimes I wonder about life and happiness and what's left? I used to be a more social person, but lately I feel like I'm always waiting.....waiting for someone to come home, waiting for something to happen to my parents, waiting for my sister to have time for me, waiting for something good to happen. YIKES, am I a basket case or what? I welcome any and all comments....

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi, Momofone, hope things have evened out for you since you wrote this entry.

The menopause is hell - am just coming to the end of it myself. It really does make everything that happens seem that little bit worse. I became quite antisocial for a couple of years because I felt so depressed, anxious and unsure of myself in public - it was like having PMS for nine months solid at one point. The good news is that it really does get better, the flashes lessen, libido returns and so does one\'s sense of perspective. Hang in there girl!

I\'m sorry you\'re parents are unwell - it\'s an awful time. I lost mine several years ago, together with my sister. Sometimes it can feel like everyone we\'ve relied upon to give our lives some kind of meaning are floating away down river from us too fast to catch. I don\'t know how to make this better; but I guess knowing we\'re not alone and that other women are having similar experiences helps. You\'re in my thoughts today. :)