Life is good

I feel so a live again. I'm alone, but that's ok, I'm getting use to it, I have my dogs. Is that sad or what? Doesn't matter, I love them, and their love is unconditional always. I use to say I don't sweat the easy shit, well. I don't sweat the tough things anymore either. No, I haven't lost my mind completely, well maybe a little. What the hell, we only have one life to live. I just want to improve on mine. Maybe it's to soon, but who's counting? I want a better life for myself. I want to live and enjoy and when that's all over, I want to do it all over again. OK, so maybe my mind is gone. All I know is I am laughing again, and I feel happy inside. I just want to yell out to everyone to get the fuck over whatever is bothering them and get on with it already. Reach out and enjoy lifes simple pleasures. Oh it all feels good again. I am picking up my husbands death certificate tomorrow after to many fucking weeks passed, and I can finally have some closure to all of this heartache and confusion. I would say I am sorry about my language, but I'm not sorry at all. This will lift so much off of my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, my husband had no insurance, he was uninsurable, but to be able to finally give him his last request, well, then I will know I did right by him and I can begin my new life as he would have wanted. Ok, so this really sounds like a manic moment. It's not, I just feel I have been granted another chance in life to be happy, to love and be loved. To explore new things and enjoy every fucking moment of it. I know now how short life can be, and I am not planning on missing a moment of what I can be and who I might meet along the way. I am finding that I really need to re-think my life. Grieveing and morning have no part of my future. We lived, we loved, and my husband showed me an entire life that I never knew about. He was there for as long as he needed to be, and taught me so much about myself that I don't think I would have every understood without his guidence. He open my mind to new things, and I will love him forever for the time he gave to me. I have found out that I really have not liked the person I have become. Somewhere along the line I lost who I once was, There is  a very fine line between who I was and the person I would like to be, but I am getting there. I have pulled out all the stops. If I don't start to enjoy myself, well I might have well died myself, and that just isn't who I am. I want and very much need passion in my life, passion for my life. I just feel so open and free at this moment, and I am going to continue forward. It took another warm heart to show me the way, but I am on my way to better things. Katie