Life In The Present

I wanna live like a whale in wilderness. So happy, with family and free. Until assholes come to steal them for monetary gains.  I feel like a stolen whale at times. Misunderstood, intelligent, emotional, but non responsive to selfishness. I don't know everyone. I might not even be making perfect sense. I'm just so frustrated with life in general. Saddened by so many things that go on today in our fucked up world. I still don't have children and I'm almost afraid of bringing a child into this world especially with my DNA and genetics and when I see how others are treated, people in prison are treated and mental illness in general is treated. For God sake, I've been looking for camping, retreat or something of some kind, just thinking it would be good to get away for a few days to clear my mind, not  thinking about anything at home or in everyday life.I just really want to get in touch with myself, and I could barely even find a place that is tailored to people with mental illness. I mean if you look under Alcoholics Anonymous, you can find a lot of stuff people can do and that is sponsored by organizations to do these things. People with mental illness can just use a break, a change of scenery, to reset, to learn a new trait maybe or just a different environment for a little while. Seems to be so difficult to find. I've been doing so much research. I've even been researching and calling to qualify for different research programs, which I have been denied for everyone so far. Very strict guidelines. My doctors have been doing research, my therapist, so it's either you spend a ton of money to go on this luxurious resort retreat which I could care less about, or you can find some type of scholarship to apply for a meditation retreat, etc., which there is a long waiting list if you can find one. I don't wanna be on a luxurious retreat. I just want to go somewhere out in the wilderness, where maybe there's group therapy, you don't have to speak if you don't wanna speak. Some things are done in silence. There's individual or group activities like hiking, yoga, meditation, crafts, exercising, healthy eating, etc. Just pure relaxation and just clearing your mind and focusing on you and leaving your worries, anxieties, etc., behind. Idk, this life is misery to me and I don't how much longer I can hang on. Hope there are happy days to come for us all D.S. Fam. Hugs!

Mel