Life in it's many stages
I haven't written here in quite a while but need somewhere to 'dump' this, so here you go. Perhaps someone will identify.
A few weeks ago, I moved into my grandfather's house since he's 92 years old, and is now at the stage where having a nurse during the day is not quite enough. Since he does not want to be in assisted living, there's no question that of course I'm here with him. It is an honor to be trusted with such a precious, important responsibility. I so wish I knew more of what I was doing, though. The best I know to do is to love him and provide the absolute best care I can, and that's what I'm doing.
Several years ago, a couple of people broke into his house. They came in through the window and beat him up and robbed him. At that time, I was in a relationship, living in another (very far away) part of the state (which is second in size only to Alaska). It was horrible to not be able to come live with him at that time. I am so grateful to be trusted with such an important responsibility!
But the reality that he is not immortal is really starting to sink in. He's been there all of my life and I now realize he won't always be. The increasing frailty, decreasing energy or interest in things, his telling me that he's tired (like, *tired*, not just sleepy), those things do quite selfishly make me sad. Sometimes it's hard not to cry in front of him, or hard not to just start randomly crying when I'm at work, or driving. Also I do suffer from doubt and struggle over nurturing him without being emasculating; learning how to treat him with the respect he very richly deserves and not 'baby' him, that's tricky. I so wish I wasn't a person who learned with trial and error, but alas. I pray that I am completely up to this responsibility; I pray that all things happen according to God's will and in His grace. I pray that my grandfather have quality days and knows that he is loved each one of those days (weeks, months, years). I promised him that as long as I am alive, he will not be in assisted living. I do NOT villify those of you who do not have the fortunate situation that we're in which allows him to have a day-time nurse and me in the evenings and weekends. Thank God for those professionals who truly love the elderly and care for them. But I do pray that God work in and through me all for his benefit.
If anyone is experienced in this and has some advice, MAN am I all ears. Thanks for listening.
A few weeks ago, I moved into my grandfather's house since he's 92 years old, and is now at the stage where having a nurse during the day is not quite enough. Since he does not want to be in assisted living, there's no question that of course I'm here with him. It is an honor to be trusted with such a precious, important responsibility. I so wish I knew more of what I was doing, though. The best I know to do is to love him and provide the absolute best care I can, and that's what I'm doing.
Several years ago, a couple of people broke into his house. They came in through the window and beat him up and robbed him. At that time, I was in a relationship, living in another (very far away) part of the state (which is second in size only to Alaska). It was horrible to not be able to come live with him at that time. I am so grateful to be trusted with such an important responsibility!
But the reality that he is not immortal is really starting to sink in. He's been there all of my life and I now realize he won't always be. The increasing frailty, decreasing energy or interest in things, his telling me that he's tired (like, *tired*, not just sleepy), those things do quite selfishly make me sad. Sometimes it's hard not to cry in front of him, or hard not to just start randomly crying when I'm at work, or driving. Also I do suffer from doubt and struggle over nurturing him without being emasculating; learning how to treat him with the respect he very richly deserves and not 'baby' him, that's tricky. I so wish I wasn't a person who learned with trial and error, but alas. I pray that I am completely up to this responsibility; I pray that all things happen according to God's will and in His grace. I pray that my grandfather have quality days and knows that he is loved each one of those days (weeks, months, years). I promised him that as long as I am alive, he will not be in assisted living. I do NOT villify those of you who do not have the fortunate situation that we're in which allows him to have a day-time nurse and me in the evenings and weekends. Thank God for those professionals who truly love the elderly and care for them. But I do pray that God work in and through me all for his benefit.
If anyone is experienced in this and has some advice, MAN am I all ears. Thanks for listening.
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