life in general

its been hard on me this past few years and some. lost my mom then my dad 68 days later in 2013. lost my mother inlaw this past november from cancer. helping the 3 daughters clean up the house and have a garage sale, then getting the stuff that did not sell to a place where they will take it. cleaning the house up and having it go up for sale, where my wife was born and raised there and i have been there for 34 years since i meet my wife.  its hard to see it go up for ale and no one in the family can aford the $2,000.00 home. noty even have the 1 daughter move in and her daughter and husband and take over the bills or buy it and move in. then i have my county land that my mom and dad had in my name when they passed away for i went out there allot and helped my mom and dad with work.    now i had to tear down the home my parents built for it was beyond repair, but we are having a new home built and insatlled soon we hope and sell our home to one of our children and move to county land in war saw N.Y. with 7 acres of land and taxes are cheaper. no water bill for i have a well that will never go dry, will have electric and a propain bill when i need it filled. cable if i want it but most diffently have interent. my brother is not talking to me for some stupid reason something over the property in florida, but i did all his home repair and remoldling for him for nothing, then he talks to some one that was exutrix of the esate back in 2013 and he his getting rummers that i got the better end of the deal.  my mom and dad had a will made out that i got the land and he got every thing else. it was split 50 50.    i have spent more money on a metal roof on garage and dumpster to take away the old home that i could not burn or safe.   then my electrical box on upper tralier took a dump, had to have a electrican make me a new box, that was $1,300.  my brother would of sold the place if he had it or he could not aford to keep it up.  i am keeping the place and moving out there and when we die it will go to one of our 3 children, but which one?   i go out there ever other week end and take care of the place. cut tress down, having a person cut some tress down for me that my wife and i and 2 other helpers could not do. one is by power lines and the other is a big tree where the weoght is on one side and i could not get to go the other way is i tried.   what hurts is my brother being a cry baby and not talking to me for his stupid reason. but oh well now when he wants something repaired he has to hire some one to do the work for he is clueless on home repair and he is a land lord. i get depressed and have panic attacks over this all that is going on with life..  i lost my cousin 3 years ago then my God mother this past week.  but i mange to find a way to deal with it in a way.   i see my mom and dads grave when i am out in the county and set flowers up and night lites that glow in the dark and charge up by the sun.   i know my parents are watching over us for i see 2 or 3 Hawks flying around the county land and at the grave site when i am there.   i found a cat one year when i went to county land to get work done and this was befor the home was takin down, so i took the cat in the brezze way and did my work the cat was gojng nuts.  when it was time to go home i could not put the cat down and leave him there, so we took him home.  i say its my mom and dad, that why i see the cat and came to me and ate 1 hot dog and powered milk and my finger.  the cat was not there the week we came out but next week when we came out the cat was there, i heard a cat, small and hungry.  we named him Oliver middle name is C.D.   c is for cindy and D is for Dick, my parents name. well that is all about it that has been going on with my life, thanks for reading and thanks for being here with me to deal with my apanic attack and depression. hope every one is doing good