Life goes on
Gosh its been awhile again , wish I could keep myself focused .. but that has been continually hard lately... life seems to keep giving me punches I WANT to punch it back !!! I am so sick of liviing in the shadows of pain , Im sick of seeing my family suffer in one way or another, boy no one ever told me you could hurt so much by loving your child so much , its been over 4 yrs feels like yesterday, a lot of people feel now its just a crutch life has to go on but that is so EASY to say , wish it was them in my shoes .. it STILL is so hard, how do you tell your heart to stop hurting when something , someone you loved more than life itself is suddenly gone from you forever.. HOW please tell me so I can go on with my life happy and enjoy it >>> Do they think I actually like to feel this way... guess they just cant understand cause unless you have lost your child to death , you dont understand... and then to have the rest of my family seem to be falling apart around me and watching and feeling like your helpless.. They must go this journey alone ....so incredibly hard....well another day in my life of this long haul .....
I try to keep myself thinking
I know Ashley wouldnt want her parents to be so incredibly sad all the time she would want them to go on and have joy in their life again but ALWAYS remember her, which is so easy to do ...she would want her lil sisters to overcome and the sadness and make her proud, I KNOW thats what she would want than why is it so hard :(
Love you Ash !!
I try to keep myself thinking
I know Ashley wouldnt want her parents to be so incredibly sad all the time she would want them to go on and have joy in their life again but ALWAYS remember her, which is so easy to do ...she would want her lil sisters to overcome and the sadness and make her proud, I KNOW thats what she would want than why is it so hard :(
Love you Ash !!
Replies
No one understands but your family here. We are here for you. Love, Rhonda
Hi my sweet friend. Boy do I understand....and I\'m so very sorry you are hurting so badly. You were one of the first friends I made on DS. Seems like an eternity ago. The pain is always there, but somehow I\'ve been able remain just stubborn enough to live life. I dont\' know what the answer is my darling friend. I suppose there is no one answer. We all have to find our own way in our own time. Just know I love you and I think of Ashley SOOO often. Gosh, she and Kala are so alike, how could I not think about her. I\'m here for you Kim, always, just like I promised 4 years ago. Call me if you need me. GiaNormous hugs, Teri.
We understand all too well. We\'re here for you. Love & hugs, Colleen
I think I am better....but life does seem so hard...and when life is hard AND you have lost a child it feels like that sorrow makes all the other life things so much worse. I find joy in things, but that loss just makes it seem like you cannot thoroughly enjoy things. Good to hear from you....love and hugs....Karen
We are fragile and raw and yet in that vulnerability I keep hoping that it makes each of us more loving, forgiving, compassionate and able to appreciate all that life still has to offer. It is a dance and sometimes we may know the steps for awhile, other times we are stepping on everyone\'s toes and sometimes we simply fall down. I hear you and understand so very well what you are describing and this is our life now. How to have some lighter moments, some joy, some peace... that is our work now. I know that our children are our best cheerleaders and are giving us those gentle nudges and perhaps even a push now and then. I appreciate so much hearing from you and reading where you find yourself today on this path. Love and hugs, Joanie
I feel your pain also it is so hard.