Life goes up I go down...
How long can one person cry before the tears run dry? Before nothing remains but blood to drain or fall or your worn out and collapse and beg for mercy? Do I even care to find out?? Is it right to force myself to grin and bare it and hope or is this all there is? I dont even wanna leave my home anymore and slowly as the walls stand around me I feel exposed, I fight to stay sober....to find true love...to be a good REAL PERSON who is honest 100% Dreams and achieves, Kick ass and take names.... Forget the bad boy and just be bad ass in general...But its hard to do a 3d puzzle when your looking from the inside...Its hard to be anything at all when you feel like nothing. I cant even write a real poem anymore cant even fucking express myself how I know best....That is the worst part almost....Up all night crying....up all day crying, Going on 72 hours this way...I think I may crack soon..If there is a god now is the damn time to show up!!!! Just get me through this I am starting to feel like this is what the bottom looks like for me personally. In all honesty things are great and I should be the happiest man alive right now..
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I read this, and I can feel the words like I could of written it myself...even though you don\'t feel like your a real person Tray, that\'s when ya know, YOU are a real person...life can twist us out of shape, and leave us feeling worthless but your NOT man, keep safe my friend, and just be YOU!
Sounds like you have some good goals. Maybe set them in some kind of practical order and begin seeing what is needed to start reaching some of them. Like * be a good real person, define this and make some short-term steps
* Fight to stay sober - 12 steps could help?
* List some previous achievements
* List some reasonable dreams
* List some huge, amazing dreams
* Find one positive thing each hour of your day
* Take care of your physical self
All of these things are great starting ideas that can have practical steps attached. Once you know what you want, think about those things for 15 minutes a day and watch as opportunities come to you to make some of them happen. Don\'t rush. Let each one take its natural time so that they grow well. Re-evaluate along the way and tweak your plans and hopes so they continue to fit you. You CAN do this. Hang in there.
Pat