Life changes all the time
The leaves are changing colors, nice rich golden browns, oranges and even some yellow. The reflection in the water makes me remember that life does changes all the time. My life has been changing and I don't wake up sad anymore. I have been dating someone who has showed me there are still good men out there. But somedays I still have my doubts...
On thursday my daughter and my ex will take a trip overseas. My daughter will meet his fiancee. It was supposed to be a wedding but his fiancee changed her mind, as it is, he is still making the trip with my daughter. It will be nice for her to take a vacation and get to see another country. It is nice from him to take her. What is bothering me is that to this day, my daughter does not realize what kind of man her father is. In her eyes, he is a great guy; who, despite she been, sadly, a witness of the contrary, she still thinks he is the best one. I can't really say anything, she does not need to know the nightmare I went through.
But I asked myself, if this wise? By keeping silent...am I doing the right thing? Or am I harming her more? Does she needs to know he spent her entire college fund, that one day he will say he loved me and the next that he didn't or the time I spent in the hospital bed with damage to my ribs? That he won't tell her to her face but she will belittle and critize her behind her back?
Or is he remotely right and I am the worst one of us two?
On thursday my daughter and my ex will take a trip overseas. My daughter will meet his fiancee. It was supposed to be a wedding but his fiancee changed her mind, as it is, he is still making the trip with my daughter. It will be nice for her to take a vacation and get to see another country. It is nice from him to take her. What is bothering me is that to this day, my daughter does not realize what kind of man her father is. In her eyes, he is a great guy; who, despite she been, sadly, a witness of the contrary, she still thinks he is the best one. I can't really say anything, she does not need to know the nightmare I went through.
But I asked myself, if this wise? By keeping silent...am I doing the right thing? Or am I harming her more? Does she needs to know he spent her entire college fund, that one day he will say he loved me and the next that he didn't or the time I spent in the hospital bed with damage to my ribs? That he won't tell her to her face but she will belittle and critize her behind her back?
Or is he remotely right and I am the worst one of us two?
Replies
I can\'t give you an answer for that. I have the same problem with my daughter. All I can say is I\'m sorry. I hope your daughter sees the truth. But she sees a different man in her life than you had in your marriage. He was your husband and he is her father. So perhaps he shows her a different kinder person than he was with you. I\'m just sorry you had to go through this. (((HUGS)))
Thank you trisha, this is a hard thing to go trough. I think the only thing we could do is be there if they ever come close to the sad realization of what we know is truth. If they never realize it, well maybe is better for them.
But I know it still makes me feel very lonely in that way.
(((((HUGS))))back at you!!
That\'s a tough one. I think I would want her to know but not unless she wanted to know. I\'m not sure how that could be accomplished. Maybe you write a series of letters on each of your Ex\'s transgressions, add in some hospital receipts or some bank account statements, and then seal each into a separate envelope and store them for safe keeping. That way, should the day ever arrive where she demands to know what happened to her college fund, or \"Dad says he never hurt you\" you can pull out the appropriate envelope with the letter and evidence that that particular topic.
Just an idea. With my own daughter I doubt I\'ll ever be able to be honest with her about what her mother did to me over the many years. I find it hard enough to discuss those issues with close friends who sympathize. Documenting emotional abuse does not come easily.
But I did keep the credit card statements showing her running up her debt by writing herself 10k checks against her credit cards. That is something I\'m saving and hope to never have to reveal to anyone.