Life and it's Tolls

I think to myself..I should be happy..but happy for what...Life seems to have taken a toll on me...
I think to myself..that this feeling of depression is beginning to overtake me and there seems no way of turning back..:Life seems to have taken a toll on me...
I think to myself...I have a nice home I have a place for my mom..yet I know she is not happy..she wishes to be somewhere else..yet I don't know where she would be happy...and it has taken a toll on me...
I think to myself, my husband is sweet to me..giving much more than I can give back..Life just seems it has taken a toll on me...
I think to myself can I pull myself out of this darkeness..this darkness that has taken a toll on me..
I think to myself...what can I do to change things..to make me feel some peace..where does the peace come from..
I think to myself...I am pulled in so many directions..I don't get depressed yet that is where I feel I am...
I think to myself..how to continue on this life..it's too difficult..it's too lonely..it's too much...
I think to myself..why did Ken die..I need him alive so bad..I miss him so much..how do I ever not let this darkness to not completely make me become someone else...some one so sad...someone feeling so sad...someone feeling the tolls of life has now taken me into the depths so deep I do not know how to escape....
I think to myself it's been 19 months..I am going backwards...I am getting more sad...I feel no happiness...I feel no joy...I feel only sadness that has now taken my life completelyly..'
I think to myself..I have no answers...I have no way out...too much has happened too much has made me so sad...
I think to myself is this now to be my life...how do I continue...I think to myself...
I have no answers...