Lies and hurting
today was the second day of no lying but also the first day me and my mow ex gf did not speak. I find myself at a loss for thoughts and not sure how to handle the feeling of emptiness. I can be what seems like ok then burst into tears and then be blank again. If I just told the truth and not hurt her none of this would be happening. I know she loves me and will eventually think of me there is too much between us but I also understand she needs to be away from me bc the hurt I caused is too much and she does not deserve that. I'm hoping to actually sleep tonight and not wake up in panic every half hour thinking I missed a call or text or wondering where she is bc I wake up in bed with out her. Grant me the help god I ask every second and I feel like I am just sitting waiting for something miraculous to happen.
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Hey buddy, I hope you are getting some good sleep right now, and I hope you are alright. My girlfriend gave me a last chance, and I didn't take it as one and let her down... Right now, my relationship is on the brink, and I really think it's heading downward. If I get another chance, or down the road, get another chance, I won't make the same mistakes. It sounds like you have so much, so many memories with your girl, and you have to know that those also crush her. Though you may not be talking, those memories weigh heavily on her and she thinks about them as much or more than you do, wishing it all could have been different. Use this time alone to reorganize your life, start making changes that no one will see but you. What are your weaknesses? Are there things that you've held in that she doesn't even know yet? Take those things and conquer them. Use this time to propel you forward into a new way of life, a better way. I need to take my own advice here, and I really appreciate your support too. Best of luck, friend, and keep in touch with your days.
Thank you so much for all of that. I honestly don't know what to say it just means a lot and obviously there are people all over the world going through this if not worse and I need to remember that. I will be journaling in a little bit to get some stuff out but yes I need to try and focus but I am not sure how that's what's hard. I guess starting small with a book or tv can help for a time. Working and working out always can be good. Will be posting at some point tonight but thank you again and please stay in touch.