"Libre lula" my dragonfly

I am writing for the first time.  A dear friend of mine told me of your support site and thought I would give it a try.  Today has been a sad day for me.  Tomorrow will be one month since my daughter's death.  Rachel was 18 when she suffered a brainstem cerebral embolism on Sunday, January 10th - she was pronounced brain dead on Monday, January 11th; only after we insisted on keeping her on life support for the mandated 12 hours before donor harvesting.  I have never felt so out of control - so helpless.  Rachel was heading back to the University on that Monday.  She was a Biology Major and had so many goals and dreams that she yet got to experience here on earth.  I cry tonight because she did not get to experience this life - I cry tonight because of the emptiness I feel.  But I also try to rejoice in the fact that I was priviliged to have her as part of my life (no matter how short).  I try to find peace (don't know when that will come) - I pray that we all find peace someday.

Replies

RememberKala
RememberKala

I\'m so very sorry. I too have buried a beautiful daughter, full of life and promise. Kala was 17 when she was in a car accident, Jan 2, 2007, just 3 weeks before her 18th birthday. Without doubt I have survived this nightmare due to the understanding, compassion, patience, and inspiration I\'ve received from all the moms here. Like you I weep for what has been lost, yet rejoice in what was and what still is. My love to you and to Rachel. I hope she and Kala have met in their new world...Teri.
ForMomsOnly
ForMomsOnly

Laura: I was so sorry to hear about Rachel. It seems as if so many of us lost children who were on the cusp of life becoming wonderful - they never really got to experience the joy and reach their goals. My son, too, was a donor and I thank God for the lives he saved. One of the recipients has become a dear friend and one I can talk with about anything and everything. I hope that, one day, you will feel able to meet some of Rachel\'s recipients and that it will bring you peace as well. God bless - Barbara
biowoman
biowoman

I am so sorry for your loss...bless you and your family...those early days are so unbelievable painful. I remember being surprised that sorrow caused physical pain. Be gentle on yourself and don\'t expect to much of yourself...and write a journal whenever you need to...it is a great way to express those emotions. Love and hugs to you...Karen
deleted_user
deleted_user

I read your comment on one of the discussions.I lost my oldest son.When I read about the loss of a daughter.The saying goes threw my mine about a son is a son till he takes a wife,but a daughter is a daughter all her life.And I know that is so true.She will threw you always just a heart beat away.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so sorry you have lost your beautiful daughter. I lost my only living son September 6, 2008. You will find a lot of support here with these wonderful Mom\'s. Hugs, Barbara
deleted_user
deleted_user

i am so very sorry for you loss also, it is unbelievable. it just seem still so unreal. i lost my only child, a son, Troy on Oct 29, 2008. After a 17 months, it still does not seem real. I miss him everyday, and hope to see him someday again in Heaven. I am sorry for the reason you had to come to this site, but I am thankful you have found us and hope you receive the support you need. love, donna
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

I am reading this entry for the first time and just had to comment. My heart is with you at the tragic loss of your beautiful Rachel and what a gift that she could be an organ donor. I\'m wondering like Barbara mentioned if ever you might meet some of the people that received this gift? Just doing this moment by moment and so grateful that we have this site where we are not alone and are understood and validated. Hugs, Joanie