Liars

Nothing pisses me off more than being lied to by people that I trust(ed). When someone lies to me, or keeps things from me on purpose, it makes me feel like they think that I am stupid enough to believe them.. and there is nothing in this world that anyone can do to piss me off and hurt me more than to insult my intelligence. My intelligence is central to my sense of self and of adequacy - when someone challenges this, it hurts a lot. Don't fuck around with my head. Don't confuse me. Don't lie to me. Don't hide things from me. Is that so much to ask of my friends? I believe that as their friend, I hold the right to be treated with respect and dignity. I reserve the right to honesty. I do not lie to my friends. I don't hide things from them that they ought to know. I try not to confuse my friends. I deserve the same treatment. But I haven't gotten it from a couple of people recently. I am trying so hard to remain rational. I am trying so hard to ensure that I walk away from this dispute as the bigger, better person. I don't want to lose my cool. I don't want to kick anyone's ass. But I am afraid that I will. I am afraid that when I see these motherfuckers next I'm gunna snap and start throwing punches. I have a very long fuse. I am a very understanding person. I always take the time to look at situations from the others' perspective so as to try and understand their motivations behind their actions. I try really hard to keep in mind at all times that most people are simply striving for their own self-interest, not intending to hurt other people. I try to keep in mind that often people hurt people they care about without intending to. But in this particular situation, I feel so betrayed that I can't come up with any justification for their actions against me. I can't come up with any excuse for their behaviour. There is no excuse for lying to your friends. No excuse. And I can't forgive this easily. And I can't contain my drive to kick some ass in. It sucks. I don't like hurting people. I much prefer to deal with things like a mature adult. I prefer to talk things through. But I don't even want to this time. This time... I just want some fucking blood.............