Letting go
I find that when I really care about something, I have a hard time letting go. That goes to anything from television programs to people. I never realized that about myself before. I tend to stay too long when something has potential. I can watch the worst television series and think, but it's got potential, maybe with a little tweaking it can be a great show. Five years later I'm still watching and waiting.
I've come to know that I'm now doing that with my father. You see, he's a great guy who happened to have tough times in his life. He's not perfect, but nobody is. Problem with my situation is that I'm not looking for perfection, I'm just looking for improvement. I've waited 53 years for it. He's just on the cusp of being a great dad, but it's not to be. I've got to accept him for who he is and stand back. He is perfectly happy being the way he is and has practised for 82 years to achieve the level of perfection that pleases him. He's happy to intimidate and has honed this skill to a fine point. He works endlessly at the art of making people feel horrible. He's very good at it.
As for me, I'll move in as planned. The house has two floors. I'll stay on one of them. I'll talk to him for a few minutes then retire to my own little spot. Once he's back on his feet, I will move out. I will do it reluctantly, but it will be done.
The thing that triggered this new resolve of mine: He told me to butt out of his medical problems. He does not want me talking to his doctor. He does not want me taking care of his medication. When I pointed out(rather delecately) that he has been having memory laspses and I'm afraid for him. He accused me of insulting him. It brought me back to the last months of my DH. You see, I attended nursing school for 3 years. I did not graduate as I lost my sight and really didn't like this field of work. Nevertheless, I was a straight A student and considering that was just four years ago and I was nearly 50, that is quite an accomplishment. I watched my husband kill himself with food, salt, lack of sleep. I watched him work literally night and day. I told him that this sort of behavior could kill him. What did he do? Slammed the door in my face, screamed and hollered, accused me of being a pushy wife, all so he could pursue the next Big Mac. Then he died, leaving me with sorrow. There wasn't one single doctor who didn't tell me that his rupture was from high blood pressure(On the day of the aneurysm, he admitted to loading up on salt. This in spite of the fact that I'd gotten his blood pressure under control. It was sky hight at the time.) He'd added the salt back in his diet.
Now he's gone.
I don't understand it. I had a coworker who told me that he had pains in his back. His doctor had prescribed an antibiotic for him. I told him to walk, don't run to the nearest emergency room and find out what was happining. He listened to me. The ER doc said he was a walking dead man. His arteries were blocked and he was rushed into heart surgery. Today his 13 year old son will enjoy father's day with him.
So why can't I help the people I love? A near stranger listened to me and is alive. My husband and father shut me out and one has already gone.
Nevertheless, I've got to let go. My father is saved. He will go to heaven when his time is up. He has the right to make that decision. And I've got to let go.
I've come to know that I'm now doing that with my father. You see, he's a great guy who happened to have tough times in his life. He's not perfect, but nobody is. Problem with my situation is that I'm not looking for perfection, I'm just looking for improvement. I've waited 53 years for it. He's just on the cusp of being a great dad, but it's not to be. I've got to accept him for who he is and stand back. He is perfectly happy being the way he is and has practised for 82 years to achieve the level of perfection that pleases him. He's happy to intimidate and has honed this skill to a fine point. He works endlessly at the art of making people feel horrible. He's very good at it.
As for me, I'll move in as planned. The house has two floors. I'll stay on one of them. I'll talk to him for a few minutes then retire to my own little spot. Once he's back on his feet, I will move out. I will do it reluctantly, but it will be done.
The thing that triggered this new resolve of mine: He told me to butt out of his medical problems. He does not want me talking to his doctor. He does not want me taking care of his medication. When I pointed out(rather delecately) that he has been having memory laspses and I'm afraid for him. He accused me of insulting him. It brought me back to the last months of my DH. You see, I attended nursing school for 3 years. I did not graduate as I lost my sight and really didn't like this field of work. Nevertheless, I was a straight A student and considering that was just four years ago and I was nearly 50, that is quite an accomplishment. I watched my husband kill himself with food, salt, lack of sleep. I watched him work literally night and day. I told him that this sort of behavior could kill him. What did he do? Slammed the door in my face, screamed and hollered, accused me of being a pushy wife, all so he could pursue the next Big Mac. Then he died, leaving me with sorrow. There wasn't one single doctor who didn't tell me that his rupture was from high blood pressure(On the day of the aneurysm, he admitted to loading up on salt. This in spite of the fact that I'd gotten his blood pressure under control. It was sky hight at the time.) He'd added the salt back in his diet.
Now he's gone.
I don't understand it. I had a coworker who told me that he had pains in his back. His doctor had prescribed an antibiotic for him. I told him to walk, don't run to the nearest emergency room and find out what was happining. He listened to me. The ER doc said he was a walking dead man. His arteries were blocked and he was rushed into heart surgery. Today his 13 year old son will enjoy father's day with him.
So why can't I help the people I love? A near stranger listened to me and is alive. My husband and father shut me out and one has already gone.
Nevertheless, I've got to let go. My father is saved. He will go to heaven when his time is up. He has the right to make that decision. And I've got to let go.
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