Letting Go
I have been told on several occasions that I should try writing my thoughts.... maybe write my ex a letter and not send it... maybe just write in a journal... I guess I will start tonight...
What a ride this has been. I know my ex will never know the pain I went through nor the pain I am still in. I have to be ok with her decision(s) as I have no other choice. Its impossible for me to explain in words what its like. The only comfort I have right now is my friends here as they sadly know all too well.
The pain is unbearable at times. I feel unimaginable loss, emptyness, betrayal and I have been made out to be the scum of the earth by lies and those who spread them. I know in my heart that I gave 100% to loving Cory and Matthew and I was a good, loyal friend to Shawn. I never one time turned my back on them and yet they all threw me away without regard. No different than throwing away a used paper towel.
As I sit here trying to pick up the pieces of my life, I realized something. My family has always had good genes and live long, strong lives. Ironically, even though I try to take care of myself, exercise and am only 44 years old, I have recently been diagnosed with Atrial Fibrillation. My honest belief is that no matter how stupid this sounds, my heart is broken. Truly broken! I can sit here with my heart beat right on the money and as soon as Cory and Matthew pop into my head... my heart goes crazy!
I have lost 2 of the most incredible people in my lives to lies and a liar. I only find comfort in believing that someday she will regret her decision.
Jim
What a ride this has been. I know my ex will never know the pain I went through nor the pain I am still in. I have to be ok with her decision(s) as I have no other choice. Its impossible for me to explain in words what its like. The only comfort I have right now is my friends here as they sadly know all too well.
The pain is unbearable at times. I feel unimaginable loss, emptyness, betrayal and I have been made out to be the scum of the earth by lies and those who spread them. I know in my heart that I gave 100% to loving Cory and Matthew and I was a good, loyal friend to Shawn. I never one time turned my back on them and yet they all threw me away without regard. No different than throwing away a used paper towel.
As I sit here trying to pick up the pieces of my life, I realized something. My family has always had good genes and live long, strong lives. Ironically, even though I try to take care of myself, exercise and am only 44 years old, I have recently been diagnosed with Atrial Fibrillation. My honest belief is that no matter how stupid this sounds, my heart is broken. Truly broken! I can sit here with my heart beat right on the money and as soon as Cory and Matthew pop into my head... my heart goes crazy!
I have lost 2 of the most incredible people in my lives to lies and a liar. I only find comfort in believing that someday she will regret her decision.
Jim
Replies
I hope the pain soon heals and you have peace and comfort.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia
Thanks Patricia... I think the holiday messed me up... I was doing better
Jim, I am so glad that you finally decided to try some writing on the journal as therapy. I hope you will do it more often and will find it helps you.
I am so sorry the holidays have set you back somewhat, but I hope that soon you will manage to find your feet again and continue to move forward.
If you are feeling that maybe a bit of humour would be helpful, I came across this guy\'s videos tonight and really enjoyed some of his humour. I hope it can maybe cheer you up a bit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIDblV2CqDc
((hugs Jim))
i\'m sorry you\'re hurting..... writing can be very helpful & I hope it helps you some. ((hugs)) Jill
((hugs))
I feel so empty except when I am here! :)
Thank you again to everyone!
Jim
Good Morning Jim,
I felt your pain last night. I too lost a few people in my family from a very manipulating ex spouse. I just felt my pain through the process and now my kids are back and we are better than ever. I can tell you that what you are feeling is normal. Not easy but normal. They will come around. It may not be now but in time. Take care and know your not alone. The Holidays are my favorite time of the year and this since it\'s my first Christmas will be a test for me. I have confidence I will be ok. Good Luck and you seem like a wonderful person so in time your will feel normal again.
Glad to see you writing and hoped it felt good to get a little bit of your sadness out. Thinking of you today. ((hugs))
I try so hard to keep my thoughts focused on my children and off my ex and her son. Getting through the day without someone bringing her up in conversation is getting harder for some reason but I literally just ignore them. People just don\'t seem to get it! I don\'t want to hear about her! Its too soon for me and anytime she is in my head.. I think of her with him! You can imagine what I picture! :(
I am praying for nothing but peace for Christmas... For me and my family as well as the familys of all my friends here! :) I am ready to move on and be happy again! :)
someone said to me awhile back,it wont go away in a day(the pain),but it will lessen day by day,be safe in the knowledge you are not alone,nor will you ever be,keep journaling trust me it does help.
Betrayal of this kind is a far worse feeling than simply breaking up with a partner. It may take a long time for you to heal. I hope that you will be able to lift yourself out of the depths of your pain.
I am so sorry for what you are going through ... and I think Holidays do make it worse. Family weddings too ironically. I\'m a mess since then. I have been trying fr weeks now to articulate a letter to my ex bf - I just feel so hurt and angry and brokenhearted at the way he ended things. But it has dug up a lot of emotions. After several failed attempts I finally got through the first page saying exactly what I wanted to say with the tone I wanted to say it with...now for the second page..it\'s like pulling teeth but I have to write it. Maybe it really will help you too. And by the way I don\'t care that everyone says don\'t send it - I am.I know for myself I love him and am deeply hurt by his behavior and I need to speak up - for my own emotional health. Personally I live by the bible and the bible tells me when there\'s a conflict with someone I love - it\'s my place to approach them about it. If they dont\' receive it then I can cut them out of my life. But for me - I can\'t live with myself anymore without speaking up and bridging the chasm whatever happens.
Anyway sorry to go on.. just wanted you to know there are people supporting you...people who care. It\'s not easy ... life and love and loss... definitely not easy. But night time cannot last forever...the gleaming dawn eventually breaks..... hang in there!
Great job starting to write! It helps. Don\'t worry about what you write - just get the thoughts out. I know it\'s helped me. I still have ups and downs but it\'s certainly much better for me now than 5-6 months ago before I started this. And I think it will get better for you too! Wish you the best
Glad you are writing! You have lots of friends here to listen and care!!! My son just went through what you are, and now (a year later) he and his ex are talking and sharing the kids and becoming friends. She did him wrong but finally realized she was hurting the kids. Pray and be patient...truth will prevail. NO bad days.....only bad MOMENTS!!!!!!! Hugs!!!
Wow Jim, your heartbreak reminds me of what I went thru a few years ago. It felt like someone died. I have truly become a better human being for it tho. I know it sounds cliche but I had to look at myself and evaluate what happened. I have molded into a much stronger person. Much stronger. I know these words may not help now but it\'s true. I journaled the first couple of years and I am glad I did. It helped me keep memoirs of the BS i put up with and helped me detach over time. The worst thing I did was maintaining a relationship with my X and not keeping our interactions as business. The least contact as possible the better. Things have a way of hashing out quicker this way. I don\'t know if this reply will help you but I know the pain you have and pray for your healing. God bless.