LETTING GO

I WANT TO LET GO HOWEVER I CAN NEVER SEEM TO. I TRY TO DEAL AND AS I BEGIN TO BELIEVE THAT I HAVE PUT EVERYTHING AWAY...DELT, IT ALL COMES CRASHING DOWN ON MY HEAD. DROWNDING ME ALL OVER AGAIN. ALWAYS THOUGHT I NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT HOWEVER NOW!! NOW I HAVE ALL KINDS TO SAY AND I AM ANGRY...PISSED....WHY?