Letter To Pets

(Most of you have seen this before- but I just got it in an email, and I laugh everytime I read it...) Letter To PetsTo be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snoutheight. Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw prints areyours and contain  your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.Please note,  placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food doesnot stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find thataesthetically  pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not aracetrack. Beating me  to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn'thelp because I fall  faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I amvery sorry about  this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch toensure your  comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball whenthey sleep. It is  not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each otherstretched out to the  fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tailsstraight out and  having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize spaceis nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from thebathroom. If by some  miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,it  is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or getyour paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. Imust exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been usingthe bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog orcat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the followingmessage on our  front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets 1. They live here. You don't.2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adoptedson/daughter who is  short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speakclearly. Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less2. Don't ask for money all the time.3. Are easier to train.4. Usually come when called.5. Never drive your car.6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.7. Don't smoke or drink.8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.9. Don't wear your clothes.10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college... and11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.