letter to my attorney on mother son visits after todays nightmare
This is the letter to my attorney I wrote him tonight reguarding the visits, I have had enough of my son having to go through this crap!
Well there have been 4 visits, each of them has had issues. The first one I called you and we discussed, the second, the times were completely messed up lack of Fleur communicating . The third last week Fleur and I were called in by the counselor and the communication subject came up, or lack of. Fleur said she had not told me of changing the Thursday 1pm to a later date at 4 and due to Conrad s schedule she made the visits later( she did send text a schedule) . and when I was asked regarding the communication ,I said that She did not tell me of the change nor did she even know Conrad s school schedule because she never bothered to email me. Fleur for the first time muttered under her breath and I told her if she had something to say, now was the time to say it.When all was agreed, The communication is to be emailed as it was set up originally .Each time we are all waiting in the reception room (all of us) and is very very stressful, Fleur is so busy texting on here new 500.00 I phone ( thought she was broke??) and ignores all contact eye or other contact with her son she does however pay attention to other peoples children, which makes Conrad just want to leave. The receptionest at the Family center, has become great friends with Fleur and always tells her she loves her accent . I was under the impression that ALL personal there are to be neutral, unbiased and that the minors are the ones to be protected.This does not seem to be the case.Conrad went in to the last weeks meeting, and the counselor, told him she wants to make this FUN for him. FUN?? and again subject matters of the divorce he said she said come up, and the counselor seems to side with Fleur. Conrad is always on the defense from both, justifying not able to speak or respond and this should not be. The counselor is there for Conrad! This is not a tag team against the minor. The counselor informed conrad that he is court ordered to this visit and that he can not leave. He told both of them he is not doing this and was asked by the counselor "what are you going to do for the hour?" "I am leaving see you next week" and he walked out of the session within minutes of going in.Thursday 8 23 2012, Fleur and the receptionist seem to be pretty buddy buddy more so than last time as well as other staff as they walk in and out of the reception room. Conrad was called in by himself and was asked by the counselor of what he though about, that his father sent him in the room, knowing his mother was dying or dead. ( I thought this was visitation not a divorce hearing or analyzing what she has told everyone there) This is very upsetting for Conrad and me. What Fleur is doing is like she has done in the past, is to turn everyone and anyone into her ally, and to twist the story the way she wants then put Conrad on the defense. He responded to that question, that I did not know she was dying or committing suicide and that I told him to see her , tell her that he loved her and that's when he found her OD ing . He was also asked , " so this your plan just to come in then walk out" " how do you expect to get past this trauma if you just walk out?" " I will be telling the judge what you are doing" This is crazy, this is a counselor protecting a minor?? he is not there to be made the bad one or to feel guilty or to have Fleur manipulate the truth though her son, so everyone believes her story....this is a visit between son and mother. It is fully Bias and Conrad is fed up with this and I do not blame him.Aug 28 at 4 pm is the interview with Lynda from the court., I have told Conrad to write what is on his mind about the visits and what he has gone though over all and give it to Lynda. To tell this her of his wishes and what he has now gone through/I have to tell you... He is fed up with what has happened in these 4 past visits and soon he will flat out refuse to go. I just wanted you to know and make note in the file of what is happening, rather that the judge get a bias report that Fleur has manipulated and fabricated to her liking and controlling what she can for the sake of her best interest using her son to do that. This is Not how a mother treats her son!Thanks Scott Woodward8/23/2012
Well there have been 4 visits, each of them has had issues. The first one I called you and we discussed, the second, the times were completely messed up lack of Fleur communicating . The third last week Fleur and I were called in by the counselor and the communication subject came up, or lack of. Fleur said she had not told me of changing the Thursday 1pm to a later date at 4 and due to Conrad s schedule she made the visits later( she did send text a schedule) . and when I was asked regarding the communication ,I said that She did not tell me of the change nor did she even know Conrad s school schedule because she never bothered to email me. Fleur for the first time muttered under her breath and I told her if she had something to say, now was the time to say it.When all was agreed, The communication is to be emailed as it was set up originally .Each time we are all waiting in the reception room (all of us) and is very very stressful, Fleur is so busy texting on here new 500.00 I phone ( thought she was broke??) and ignores all contact eye or other contact with her son she does however pay attention to other peoples children, which makes Conrad just want to leave. The receptionest at the Family center, has become great friends with Fleur and always tells her she loves her accent . I was under the impression that ALL personal there are to be neutral, unbiased and that the minors are the ones to be protected.This does not seem to be the case.Conrad went in to the last weeks meeting, and the counselor, told him she wants to make this FUN for him. FUN?? and again subject matters of the divorce he said she said come up, and the counselor seems to side with Fleur. Conrad is always on the defense from both, justifying not able to speak or respond and this should not be. The counselor is there for Conrad! This is not a tag team against the minor. The counselor informed conrad that he is court ordered to this visit and that he can not leave. He told both of them he is not doing this and was asked by the counselor "what are you going to do for the hour?" "I am leaving see you next week" and he walked out of the session within minutes of going in.Thursday 8 23 2012, Fleur and the receptionist seem to be pretty buddy buddy more so than last time as well as other staff as they walk in and out of the reception room. Conrad was called in by himself and was asked by the counselor of what he though about, that his father sent him in the room, knowing his mother was dying or dead. ( I thought this was visitation not a divorce hearing or analyzing what she has told everyone there) This is very upsetting for Conrad and me. What Fleur is doing is like she has done in the past, is to turn everyone and anyone into her ally, and to twist the story the way she wants then put Conrad on the defense. He responded to that question, that I did not know she was dying or committing suicide and that I told him to see her , tell her that he loved her and that's when he found her OD ing . He was also asked , " so this your plan just to come in then walk out" " how do you expect to get past this trauma if you just walk out?" " I will be telling the judge what you are doing" This is crazy, this is a counselor protecting a minor?? he is not there to be made the bad one or to feel guilty or to have Fleur manipulate the truth though her son, so everyone believes her story....this is a visit between son and mother. It is fully Bias and Conrad is fed up with this and I do not blame him.Aug 28 at 4 pm is the interview with Lynda from the court., I have told Conrad to write what is on his mind about the visits and what he has gone though over all and give it to Lynda. To tell this her of his wishes and what he has now gone through/I have to tell you... He is fed up with what has happened in these 4 past visits and soon he will flat out refuse to go. I just wanted you to know and make note in the file of what is happening, rather that the judge get a bias report that Fleur has manipulated and fabricated to her liking and controlling what she can for the sake of her best interest using her son to do that. This is Not how a mother treats her son!Thanks Scott Woodward8/23/2012
Replies
This is indeed an emotional jungle for your son to have to navigate. I have forgotten how old he is, but it seems to me that there is some \"magic\" age when kids no longer have to visit with a parent if they choose NOT to.
I know you are upset about this, but what you are telling your attorney is most likely going to be considered heresay....your attorney needs to hear it from YOUR SON --not you.
I pray that you will be able to gain some emotional distance from this issue and that the situation will work itself out. My guess is that your stbx will soon lose interest in visiting with him at all. Right or wrong, it may prove to be the best thing for your son.
Hang in there - it DOES get better with time.
I agree-can your son talk to the atty? I know in my state my 16 year old (I believe that is your son\'s age) has quite a say in things.
I also think you need to separate your divorce from your son\'s relationship with her. I tended to project my feelings of abandonment, etc on my son instead of letting him feel what he feels. Although he is still a kid in many ways (as a 16 year old should be) this is something he needs to work through.
I am so sorry your son is having to deal with this. I know this is extremely hard on you. I\'d try to find some way for HIM to have the power to work through how he is being treated.
Just my opinion-hugs to you.
I agree with the others. If your son is old enough to write down the information, then he should do it. The information will have more power if it comes straight from him. Perhaps it would be helpful if Conrad asked for a new counselor.
I\'m sorry he\'s struggling. Divorce is tough enough without him having to deal with this crap.
Hugs to you and your son.
The magic age is 18... BUT, a child can become \"emancipated\" if he chooses to, but that can be costly and affect things like child support, etc. BUT again... children are also allowed to have their own attorney.
I too was court ordered to see my father from age 12 to 18. I just found ways to keep to myself, just dealt with the visitations until I turned 18 and then walked away. 16 to 18, though it feels like forever to a kid, but it\'s gonna fly by fast, and because it\'s court ordered, ask your son to hang in there!
Something to help him stay focused, hopefully - my nephews were being abused by their father - the dad actually grabbed the 17 year old by the throat and held him up against a wall - the boy STILL has to go to visitation, but the court did listen to the boy\'s PRIVATE counselor and attorney and reduced the visitation to 1 1/2 hours in a public place only twice a month.
{{HUGS}}
thanks all, my attorney cant talk with him not until after the court appointed interview. That way the stbx can say he was told what to say. On Aug 28, is when that interview will happen. On the bright side , when we come home (which is great by the way) he goes and plays the blues on his guitar for hrs. Its a very impressive release when he plays.
I am still very much up and down, I am told in my counsling group that I am still very much grieving. When I take my son to his, he does let it out which is great ..but there is a lot of anger and hurt there.
I\'m sorry that your going through this. It\'s pretty sad that your stbx feels that she has to court appoint these visits. Forcing the kid to do something he doesn\'t want to do seems pointless to me.