letter to abuser

i finished my letter to my abuser.  my therapist asked if i was up to it.  i read it to him last week.  i was fine putting it together.  a few hours before our meeting i started to get nervous.  i cried in the session.  i was disappointed in me that i had cried.  i thought that had signaled i wasn't getting healthy.  my therapist said he would have been worried had i not been emotional. 
i think the letter had taken a lot out of me emotionally.  i'm sure it had triggered some memories.  i called my aunt two days after.  i was talking irrationally.  i think i worried her.  i haven't called her back yet because i'm embarrassed.  i didn't tell her about the letter, so she doesn't have an idea of why i was acting that way.
also, my aunt and i were discussing my mother.  i think i have some anger directed at her.  actually i know i do.  i don't know if i blame her for not protecting me from my uncle and the molestation.  it's crazy if i am because he had no idea.  she wasn't there with me while i lived with my father's mother.  my father told my mother i would be okay living there for a while.  it has to be the child in me that is thinking and acting this way.  i'm trying to let my mother know it really isn't me being nasty to her.  but it sure would be nice if she at least try to understand or educate herself of what i've been through and suffered.
i realize that it takes me at least three days to decompress after my triggers.  i wish i had waited two more days before i called my aunt.  you can tell it bothered me.  it just feels like it never ends.  the mess just keeps piling up.
it's all good.  i have to keep praying.  i will be posting the final draft of my letter to my abuser.