Let the pain surface

I have cried for 3 days straight. I am watching t.v. and crying over a show that shouldn't have you emotional. My heart aches as I see other women joining the Stillbirth support group. I am trying to rise above the pain and truly pray and ask God what am I to learn from this. I KNOW that he has lessons that I can learn about myself through this and he has revealed that to me. I AM SCARED, HURT, and so very ANGRY!! Yet, as I cry writing this. I KNOW THAT I WANT TO BE A MOMMY TO A LIVING BABY!!  To go through all of this strengthens my love for my future children. It's a love that others won't know because they haven't had to lose. I am not saying that others can't feel this love, but my children will have their mommy's love like no other. This pain is something  I can't fathom. When you cry out to GOd that you can't possible take anymore, yet you pick yourself up and keep going. WE ARE STRONG WOMEN TO GO THROUGH THIS! The saying that God doesn't give you more than you can bear means to me THAT HE MUST THINK THAT ALL OF US ARE STRONG WOMEN. My goodness it has birthed in me the ability to be compassionate and have empathy for hurting people that I don't think that I could ever had before. I still feel lousy today but I am trying to choose to see the light today. I am RAMBLING, but I have to document this, so I can read it when I am holding my future baby to remind me of how hard I fought.