let\'s play a game called bang your head into the wall as hard as you can!

Hi guys! Thanks for all your support on my last entry. It means a lot to have all of you gusy to back me up.       So anyways, I went shoppnig with my mom today and tried on some clothes and actually calmed down a bit. Even though I did'nt fit into the size 1, I suddenly relaized even if I lost thirty pounds I still wouldn't, I just have wide set hips and a tiny waist. I've stopped thinking that starving will make me go down a pant size now, because it won;t, it's only maknig me look bony and creepy. I wore this pretty red and gray striped shirt today and my mother was like "You can see your collaarbones. They're just...oh my god. PLease put n a necklace, sweetie. That looks really bad. It looks like I don't feed you." WTF?? Since when is it about her?? I'll tell you when-never. God, she even makes my eating disorder about her!!       I feel so bored with life. I had gotten excited because I thought we may be gonig on a vacation in April but then my mom was "No. There's no way we're donig that" and my dad was like "well, maybe." and my mom was like "Absolutely no. Ther's no chance." My dad was like "geez Carlene you don't have to crush her hopes let her have some chance." So now I'm totally upset because we never go anywhere. Ugh. There's nothing to look forward to!!      I don't know. I'm just really bumming because I feel like my lfie is a waste. And Ed would like you all to know that I'm actually very I'm fat and my mom doesn't know what she's talking about when she say my collarbones. He said it's not fair that I trick you and make you think I'm actually skinny. You deserve to know the truth, he said, which is that I'm a fat, selfish, worthless, greedy, arrogant pig. LOVE YOU ALL!Megs