Let My Guard Down

After all this time, I have gotten stronger, the urges disappeared and I felt good about myself. Then what happens, in a brief moment of weakness, I find myself in the casino and ALL the old habits, way of thinking have all come back. And so here I am kicking myself, hating myself, trying to think of lies to try and avoid hurtingall my loved ones. Damn it.....My life was coming around and I was starting to feel good about myself, all my relationships have been better and stronger.So now that I have ruined this holiday, since all the money is now spent, this is going to be another awkward and crappy couple of days.This f****** disease has gotten a good hold on me and is refusing to let go.I let my guard down for a brief moment and this is what happens.This really Sucks.................................................