Let it Brew

There have been many phases in my healing journey where I felt like it was counter-productive to look for words to describe a transition which is in progress. This morning I wonder if the attempt to find words for ^it^ can only be based in my old patterns and prejudices. Still I am limited to analogy in describing the sense that I need to let ^it^ be. This morning I will use a gardening analogy. When a seed is sprouting, the seedling cannot handle the tugging and movement of having its roots examined.

I've been attempting to find words for this phase for a very long time. I believe the seed was planted by a Creative Writing profie in 1979 at the end of the college semester in which I was pregnant with ES. I believe this profie considered me his special project. There was no way I deserved the "B" he gave me for the course. The journal assignment was the only assignment I was able to complete, and even that was just a photocopy of my actual therapy journal. I spent allot more of that semester on therapy chairs than classroom chairs. This particular profie hated grading systems and didn't assign to any of the student papers, but his closing comment on that journal photo-copy rides with me to this day. "Who knows what the future may hold. Just let it brew."

I slept away most of the past three days. It was refreshing rest, though my support dog is more than a little impatient with it. She is nagging like a REAL bitch to get out of this room. The reunion of my mother's family is this afternoon. I have copied the directions off the internet. Emotionally, I am all over the herstorical map but feeling steady in the face of it. The guit-chi report is good. Complete songs are flowing easily. None of the other motel guests or employees threw their coffee at me for the racket.

Letting it brew. . .