Less Bad Days, More Good Days
Time for a general update and raise the level of progress. I figured out that I needed to do more than sit at the computer, read the posts on DS (well, I do other things as well), eat fig cookies, chocolate, and stare at the screen as if something is going to "pop" out of there. Nothing popped out. Nothing real interesting came knocking at the front door either. I had to go out and pursue it.
What we resist persists, and tends to grow; therefore, acceptance has to take place. Acceptance does not mean we like and embrace the tragedy of losing a partner/spouse/soul mate. It means it has been, finally, processed and received. The negative emotions - grief, blame, anger, despair - become more neutral and no longer have a grip and adverse impact on one's soul.
There is another life beyond the sadness. We are one, and one is a whole number. So what motivates us? What is our passion? The negative thoughts breed other negative thoughts, so it's training the mind to put those aside. It takes some practice to be porter at the door of thought letting in only those good thoughts, but that gets easier also.
On a practical level, I eventually made some small changes: started to get out of the house more often, went visiting neighbors, took more walks, joined a crafts group in town, went to the book mobile, made some new friends, kept in regular contact with old friends/family. Not a real social butterfly by nature (not asocial or antisocial either), but I got out of the usual rut of self-limiting thought processes I was in and found some new activities. I relied more on my inner resources and life force, made new connections, and reinforced some old ones. In doing so, it led to other activities and new interests.
I realized I was limited only by my belief. Now, I look forward to better things to come. In other words, I got the hell off my back side, and took a pro-active approach to actually doing something about my situation. The positive will also attract more positive. The negative emotions and grief began to implode on themselves and gradually disappear. I picked myself up, and kept on. My husband, before he died, said I'd find a way and that I was tough and a survivor. He was right.
What we resist persists, and tends to grow; therefore, acceptance has to take place. Acceptance does not mean we like and embrace the tragedy of losing a partner/spouse/soul mate. It means it has been, finally, processed and received. The negative emotions - grief, blame, anger, despair - become more neutral and no longer have a grip and adverse impact on one's soul.
There is another life beyond the sadness. We are one, and one is a whole number. So what motivates us? What is our passion? The negative thoughts breed other negative thoughts, so it's training the mind to put those aside. It takes some practice to be porter at the door of thought letting in only those good thoughts, but that gets easier also.
On a practical level, I eventually made some small changes: started to get out of the house more often, went visiting neighbors, took more walks, joined a crafts group in town, went to the book mobile, made some new friends, kept in regular contact with old friends/family. Not a real social butterfly by nature (not asocial or antisocial either), but I got out of the usual rut of self-limiting thought processes I was in and found some new activities. I relied more on my inner resources and life force, made new connections, and reinforced some old ones. In doing so, it led to other activities and new interests.
I realized I was limited only by my belief. Now, I look forward to better things to come. In other words, I got the hell off my back side, and took a pro-active approach to actually doing something about my situation. The positive will also attract more positive. The negative emotions and grief began to implode on themselves and gradually disappear. I picked myself up, and kept on. My husband, before he died, said I'd find a way and that I was tough and a survivor. He was right.
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