Leopards don't often change their spots...
During a long overdue conversation with a family member this weekend, I found that my dad has not changed his heart in the least. My paternal grandparents are living in an assisted living complex in a neighboring town. My aunt has been their only caretaker for the last 12 years or so. She has put her life completely aside to serve their needs. She took early retirement and has had to take quite a hit financially as a result.
When they sold their home to go into the complex, Grandma and Grandpa bought my aunt a car so that she didn't have to worry about safely getting them to their appointments and such. Something happened in the deal with what was left over after the complex was paid and the purchase of the car. They have missing money and they have had to hire an atty to fix things.Bottom line, what they had to live out their days on for some extras is gone.
Long story short, They asked Dad for some help. Just $25 a month would even do they said. He wrote them a letter, accusing my aunt of things and telling them there would be no help for them whatsoever. They got a follow up call to be sure they got the letter. He spewed more vile allegations and talked some assorted trash about my aunt. My Gpa, God bless him, told dad in no uncertain terms to stop right there and NEVER say anything to him or Gma about his sister again! He would not have anyone belittle the sacrifices she has made for them PERIOD!!!
Dad and Gpa ended their convo at an impass and dad contacted the CEO of the facility to let them know he would not be of any assistance of any kind. What happened is that he and his wife have decided that the investment in a car to safely take them places was frivolous. He disapproved of it so he is now going to cut them off. He did the same to me when I was in my Freshman year of college because he decided I should go to a different school. He did the same to my brother for marrying a woman of color. He cut me off again after meeting my husband, because he's Latino.
Dad has not done anything to help in this journey with his parents whatsoever. It all fell to my aunt. She has even had to sell her furniture and computer now to help Gma and Gpa with incidentals. He told them they will just have to cut back on what they spend on. He hung up then.
This is what I feared was going to happen. I have now exposed my children to the same judgemental and cold hearted man I had to deal with all my life. I have opened them up to what I endured. I can't protect my son now as they have become very friendly. I believe Dad even sent him a check for his birthday. I haven't been let in on that but I believe it is what happened. He is working on owning him and that at any minute it will be pulled out from under him because he didn't do something the way Dad wants it done.
He hasn't sent anything, including a card to my daughter. I think I can still protect her. This is going to be one of the hardest things I've faced with him because it affects my children. I won't say anything to my son at this point because he won't hear it right now. The home my father built is in the half to 3/4 million dollar mark as far as it's value is concerned. He lives in a gated community in NC and he has taken and will take many trips annually, some abroad, to relax and enjoy his retirement. Yet he wo't spare even $25 a month to his parents who desparately need his help.
God will deal with this in HIS time and we just have to trust in that fact. I have a strong faith as do my Gma, Gpa and Aunt. We are Christians and don't mind who knows it. We are driven to do what we know is right. We help one another because that is what family does in times of need. We are praying that there is a true change of Dad's heart and that he is able to recall his upbringing and find GOD in his heart again. God never leaves us, so I know He's still there working on him.
In the meantime, I will find ways to get Gma and Gpa things they like but cannot afford to have. It's what we do. I can find something to do without for them. They have made sacrifices for me. It's just what is done in a family.
When they sold their home to go into the complex, Grandma and Grandpa bought my aunt a car so that she didn't have to worry about safely getting them to their appointments and such. Something happened in the deal with what was left over after the complex was paid and the purchase of the car. They have missing money and they have had to hire an atty to fix things.Bottom line, what they had to live out their days on for some extras is gone.
Long story short, They asked Dad for some help. Just $25 a month would even do they said. He wrote them a letter, accusing my aunt of things and telling them there would be no help for them whatsoever. They got a follow up call to be sure they got the letter. He spewed more vile allegations and talked some assorted trash about my aunt. My Gpa, God bless him, told dad in no uncertain terms to stop right there and NEVER say anything to him or Gma about his sister again! He would not have anyone belittle the sacrifices she has made for them PERIOD!!!
Dad and Gpa ended their convo at an impass and dad contacted the CEO of the facility to let them know he would not be of any assistance of any kind. What happened is that he and his wife have decided that the investment in a car to safely take them places was frivolous. He disapproved of it so he is now going to cut them off. He did the same to me when I was in my Freshman year of college because he decided I should go to a different school. He did the same to my brother for marrying a woman of color. He cut me off again after meeting my husband, because he's Latino.
Dad has not done anything to help in this journey with his parents whatsoever. It all fell to my aunt. She has even had to sell her furniture and computer now to help Gma and Gpa with incidentals. He told them they will just have to cut back on what they spend on. He hung up then.
This is what I feared was going to happen. I have now exposed my children to the same judgemental and cold hearted man I had to deal with all my life. I have opened them up to what I endured. I can't protect my son now as they have become very friendly. I believe Dad even sent him a check for his birthday. I haven't been let in on that but I believe it is what happened. He is working on owning him and that at any minute it will be pulled out from under him because he didn't do something the way Dad wants it done.
He hasn't sent anything, including a card to my daughter. I think I can still protect her. This is going to be one of the hardest things I've faced with him because it affects my children. I won't say anything to my son at this point because he won't hear it right now. The home my father built is in the half to 3/4 million dollar mark as far as it's value is concerned. He lives in a gated community in NC and he has taken and will take many trips annually, some abroad, to relax and enjoy his retirement. Yet he wo't spare even $25 a month to his parents who desparately need his help.
God will deal with this in HIS time and we just have to trust in that fact. I have a strong faith as do my Gma, Gpa and Aunt. We are Christians and don't mind who knows it. We are driven to do what we know is right. We help one another because that is what family does in times of need. We are praying that there is a true change of Dad's heart and that he is able to recall his upbringing and find GOD in his heart again. God never leaves us, so I know He's still there working on him.
In the meantime, I will find ways to get Gma and Gpa things they like but cannot afford to have. It's what we do. I can find something to do without for them. They have made sacrifices for me. It's just what is done in a family.
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