Learning To Just Let It All Go!!!!
Over the past month there have been so many highs and lows i'm going to have to start taking an Anti Nausea Medicine to deal with it. I start my Divorce Care Support Group tomorrow at church im so excited I can't sleep. I have been waiting so long to sit in a room with people who REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH. My family and friends are so wonderful and really try to help me but at this point no one knows what to say to me any more. They don't understand they have never had to go through anything even close to this. Trying to work on my self esteem and feeling of being tossed aside with ABSOLUTLY no regaurd. I know it's HIS PROBLEM and he is the one with SERIOUS IDENTITY ISSUES yet i'm the one who suffers because of his choices.
I feel RIPPED OFF I FEEL LIKE HE STOLE 23 YEARS AND THERE IS NO JUSTICE FOR ME OR CHILDREN. I know Karma will come back around I believe that you get from this world what you put into it. The universe has a way of coming back around and eventually we all have to pay the price for our choices. I stayed with a very SELFISH AND NON CARING MAN FOR YEARS JUST TRYING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US. GUESS WHAT I'M PAYING FOR THAT CHOICE NOW. Starting all over at 45 with nothing to show for the past years except my kids and a mound of DEBT!!!!! I take peace in knowing that God is teaching me PATIENCE and good things come to those that wait. He will have to answer and atone for all his very bad choices one day maybe even years from now but it will come. He truely believed that there would be no consequence to his actions. That we would all just be good friends and his kids would just say " It's ok Dad it's ok you abandoned us as ong as your happy and moving on is all that matters"
They really do live in a dream world when they can just completely destroy everyone's life and then act like I didn't do anything I can do what I want and you will be fine. Well yes I will be fine in time but that doesn't excuse your pathetic childish behavior and total lack of remorse. However like I said the Universe and God will judge him in time and i'm ready to stop carrying HIS BURDEN, HIS FAULTS, HIS GUILT AND HIS SHAME. I'm ready to say GOODBYE TO THE LIFE I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE AND MAKE THE LIFE I HAVE THE BEST I CAN. There is still alot of life to live. I may have a date this week end a really nice handsome guy I met at a CPR class on saturday asked for my number. I don't give my number out so I took his number and said I would think about it and call him friday if I wanted to go for coffee or a movie on saturday night. I was so shocked I haven't ben on a date in 23 years I wouldn't know what to do. But maybe it's like riding a bike you never really forget and we talked alot on Sat during the class and the conversation just seemed to flow it was like talking to an old friend.
Anyway even if it doesn't pan out with him I must admit just starting to think of myself with someone else and being excited about the possibilities leaves me to believe that I have turned a corner. LIFE DOES GO ON AND I WANT TO MAKE IT A GOOD ONE. I HAVE ALREADY WAISTED HALF MY LIFE AND ON IDIOT WHO DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT HE HAD AND NEVE TREASURED OR APPRECIATED ME. Something tells me a GOOD MAN WILL........
I feel RIPPED OFF I FEEL LIKE HE STOLE 23 YEARS AND THERE IS NO JUSTICE FOR ME OR CHILDREN. I know Karma will come back around I believe that you get from this world what you put into it. The universe has a way of coming back around and eventually we all have to pay the price for our choices. I stayed with a very SELFISH AND NON CARING MAN FOR YEARS JUST TRYING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US. GUESS WHAT I'M PAYING FOR THAT CHOICE NOW. Starting all over at 45 with nothing to show for the past years except my kids and a mound of DEBT!!!!! I take peace in knowing that God is teaching me PATIENCE and good things come to those that wait. He will have to answer and atone for all his very bad choices one day maybe even years from now but it will come. He truely believed that there would be no consequence to his actions. That we would all just be good friends and his kids would just say " It's ok Dad it's ok you abandoned us as ong as your happy and moving on is all that matters"
They really do live in a dream world when they can just completely destroy everyone's life and then act like I didn't do anything I can do what I want and you will be fine. Well yes I will be fine in time but that doesn't excuse your pathetic childish behavior and total lack of remorse. However like I said the Universe and God will judge him in time and i'm ready to stop carrying HIS BURDEN, HIS FAULTS, HIS GUILT AND HIS SHAME. I'm ready to say GOODBYE TO THE LIFE I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE AND MAKE THE LIFE I HAVE THE BEST I CAN. There is still alot of life to live. I may have a date this week end a really nice handsome guy I met at a CPR class on saturday asked for my number. I don't give my number out so I took his number and said I would think about it and call him friday if I wanted to go for coffee or a movie on saturday night. I was so shocked I haven't ben on a date in 23 years I wouldn't know what to do. But maybe it's like riding a bike you never really forget and we talked alot on Sat during the class and the conversation just seemed to flow it was like talking to an old friend.
Anyway even if it doesn't pan out with him I must admit just starting to think of myself with someone else and being excited about the possibilities leaves me to believe that I have turned a corner. LIFE DOES GO ON AND I WANT TO MAKE IT A GOOD ONE. I HAVE ALREADY WAISTED HALF MY LIFE AND ON IDIOT WHO DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT HE HAD AND NEVE TREASURED OR APPRECIATED ME. Something tells me a GOOD MAN WILL........
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