Learning to Cope

    Today is May 16, 2008.  This is my first journal entry. I had the first real scare of my life with this T last nite.  I thought my T couldn't get any louder than when it first started but it did.  I was at an amusement park yesterday for my kids school picnic whereby it was quite loud with all the music and rides.  I thought it would be ok considering it's held outside.  Boy was I wrong.  I awoke at 4:00am to a SCREAMING T in my left ear.  I wasn't quite sure whatwas happening at first.  I was disoriented from sleeping.  I was going to wake my husband up because my T was soo loud that I thought maybe he could hear it.  Instead I took a xanax which didn't help and 1 hour later I took 1 more and another anti-depressant.  About 2 hours later it started to come down a bit.  Although it is still louder than normal ( if there is a normal).  I called the clinic and the nurse told me that the doctor recommended that I go get tested for a masking device.  The doctor did not recommend changing anything with my meds.  He said that I am at the max dose for imiprimane.  He also didn't suggest changing my xanax.  I am hearing from some people that taking xanax can actually add to the ringing.   All I know is that I cannot bear another incident like last nite.  I am so afraid now to go anywhere or do anything.  Do Tinnitus Sufferers have to live a life of quietness and yet can never acquire silence.  What else is out there that I shouldn't be doing. My husband has a boat where the whole family enjoys on the weekends.  Will the motor cause my ringing to worsen?  Can I not participate in anymore kinds of activities?  What is there left in life to live for?  Am I damaging my hearing each time I am exposed to loud environments?  Will I eventually go deaf from this?