Learning to Believe in Myself

Some one once told me that there are people who come in your life that are meant to be there and there are others that come and go, but in the end you will know who the ones are that God put there for a purpose!  Learning to stand on my own two feet and not depend or need anyone else has probably been one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn.  This has been a horrific past 4 months and yet a new beginning to who I am.  My sister told me she no longer recognizes me as the person I once was.  Well that person no longer exists.  I have been through hell and back.  I have had a miscarriage, stillborn, lost both parents and now my husband and I am only 51 years old.  I am no longer the same person, I have been through the absolute worst experiences of my life and have come out still standing with my head held up high.  I am sick and tired of people saying one thing and doing something totally different.  I have learned that life is too short no one is promised tomorrow and therefore I plan to live with no regrets.  If you can't look God in the eye and be proud of who you have become then maybe you shouldn't  do it.  I am not one that can quote the bible like my husband could, however I have learned that I have more Faith than most people I know.  I do have my own standards and yes they are pretty high, I will never compromise what I want in Life or what I need.  I will never settle for anything less than I deserve.  So if you don't recognize the person I have become I am truly sorry for this is the new me.  I once was satisfied with wearing my t-shirts and jeans because I was comfortable with my life.  In the past 4 months I have had to learn how to survive in the real world as it exists today and that in itself is a huge accomplishment.  I wake up every morning put a smile on my face and go to work something I have done since less than a week after he died.  Today I even offered to go to Court for one of the girls so she could get her office work done, who would have thought that I would prefer to be in Court all day rather than be at my desk.  I guess I just wanted to be around people something I usually avoid.  So I am changing for the better I hope, learning to adjust to the men staring something I have always hated.  Learning to just laugh about it and say oh wow that was me they were whistling at.  So not used to this new life and so wishing I could have my Old Life Back!  But trying to understand what God's plan is and dealing with it the best way I can!  Laughing, Smiling and doing whatever it takes to make it through the day.  Not sure why I am writing this but so glad that I did.  Thanks for listening and I hope that each and everyone of you have a Great Day!  Hugs,  Andree'

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I understand these feelings you write of. I think maybe you have to take on a new attitude after loss since you are only one. it helps us make some sort of sence of something when sometimes we find no sence in it at all. Its good your finding your way. I commend you! Your positive attitude shines....
deleted_user
deleted_user

You sound very strong and empowered. Yes our whole life is different now - but maybe, just maybe from what we have learned facing our loss, it will be different, and maybe better in the future? I wish that for all of us. Best regards, Vicki
doyew
doyew

I\'m glad you have such a positive outlook. This is one thing we all need to make it through life\'s valleys. Many people never learn how to BE positive, but dwell on the \"poor me\" aspect. If you place your faith in God, He will be with you every step of the way.
widowhoodsucks
widowhoodsucks

What doesn\'t kill us, makes us stronger. Sounds like you have become a very strong woman. Some people get intimidated when we change for the better. They would prefer that we stayed the same because they don\'t know how to deal with us now. Re: men staring and whistle calls..............you go girl!
pathoflife
pathoflife

Andree\',

I\'m doing a virtual \"high five\" with you, and I can hear the Hallelujah Chorus singing their encouragement. Lip service no longer works in our scenario of life. So glad that you are forging a new road that brings you confidence and comfort. You go Girl!!!! See you in September. TJ
lindalun
lindalun

Congratulations! You are a very strong woman and a very determined one to face lives challenges.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Well done!
KipB
KipB

Bravo!!
loveandgrace
loveandgrace

Hard to believe that there are benefits that come from surviving such pain and hardship. You will gain confidence from your ability to stand on your own two feet and from learning to depend on yourself first and foremost. Good for you! Hugs, Amy
gone2soon
gone2soon

Just read your beautiful journal. I am inspired by it and the person you have become. May the Lord bless and keep you. Sending a big hug and a high five.
Anne