Learning to Believe in Myself

Some one once told me that there are people who come in your life that are meant to be there and there are others that come and go, but in the end you will know who the ones are that God put there for a purpose!  Learning to stand on my own two feet and not depend or need anyone else has probably been one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn.  This has been a horrific past 4 months and yet a new beginning to who I am.  My sister told me she no longer recognizes me as the person I once was.  Well that person no longer exists.  I have been through hell and back.  I have had a miscarriage, stillborn, lost both parents and now my husband and I am only 51 years old.  I am no longer the same person, I have been through the absolute worst experiences of my life and have come out still standing with my head held up high.  I am sick and tired of people saying one thing and doing something totally different.  I have learned that life is too short no one is promised tomorrow and therefore I plan to live with no regrets.  If you can't look God in the eye and be proud of who you have become then maybe you shouldn't  do it.  I am not one that can quote the bible like my husband could, however I have learned that I have more Faith than most people I know.  I do have my own standards and yes they are pretty high, I will never compromise what I want in Life or what I need.  I will never settle for anything less than I deserve.  So if you don't recognize the person I have become I am truly sorry for this is the new me.  I once was satisfied with wearing my t-shirts and jeans because I was comfortable with my life.  In the past 4 months I have had to learn how to survive in the real world as it exists today and that in itself is a huge accomplishment.  I wake up every morning put a smile on my face and go to work something I have done since less than a week after he died.  Today I even offered to go to Court for one of the girls so she could get her office work done, who would have thought that I would prefer to be in Court all day rather than be at my desk.  I guess I just wanted to be around people something I usually avoid.  So I am changing for the better I hope, learning to adjust to the men staring something I have always hated.  Learning to just laugh about it and say oh wow that was me they were whistling at.  So not used to this new life and so wishing I could have my Old Life Back!  But trying to understand what God's plan is and dealing with it the best way I can!  Laughing, Smiling and doing whatever it takes to make it through the day.  Not sure why I am writing this but so glad that I did.  Thanks for listening and I hope that each and everyone of you have a Great Day!  Hugs,  Andree'