Learning to Accept
I still haven't been able to talk to Chris since his arrest, I can't afford the phone calls and I just can't face going to another jail to talk through glass. I want to hear from his own mouth what happened why did he give up his last chance to be a productive citizen and a Dad to his son.
I lost my job in June and should be looking for another, but now all I can focus on is him and why he made these terrible choices again. Why did he do this to his Son again. He will be 7 in a little over a week and as he gets older he understands more. He told his Mom that was his last chance....I can't blame the kid.
I told my husband I feel like we have lost another child, he is so angry at Chris and we fight all the time about him.....I can't just pretend he's dead and that's what my husband acts like. He say I enable him, but how do I not enable him and still be his Mom ...... I'm so confused!
God give me strenght I need it today !
I lost my job in June and should be looking for another, but now all I can focus on is him and why he made these terrible choices again. Why did he do this to his Son again. He will be 7 in a little over a week and as he gets older he understands more. He told his Mom that was his last chance....I can't blame the kid.
I told my husband I feel like we have lost another child, he is so angry at Chris and we fight all the time about him.....I can't just pretend he's dead and that's what my husband acts like. He say I enable him, but how do I not enable him and still be his Mom ...... I'm so confused!
God give me strenght I need it today !
Replies
He is sure lucky to have your Love and support...You are a shinning example of what Mom\'s do! You Love them, you want to protect them and you want to help them... Your Grandson is also lucky to have you..We can all say \"we give up\" but I am not sure it is really possible..it just feels better when you say it right? I am sure that is what that little boy is doing..He does not want to worry anymore..he wants his Dad to be okay I am sure, it is hard for us to take I can only imagine his feelings..Again, if you have the access to his life you are lucky if that is what you want, he needs all the Love he can get! I have some friends that are in groups for codependency..that word is not really as bad as it sounds..it is just a pattern we all fall into at times, not knowing how we feel until we know how everyone else if feeling, putting their needs first...
I lost my job right before all of this and boy was that a hidden blessing, I would have been a mess trying to figure all of this out! I hope you have found time for you and getting outside of all of the heartache at times!
Hang in there and thanks for sharing your story with us..we all have different stories and lives but we all need each others expriences to help get through ours!!
I can relate to what you are going through as a Mother. My son was 19 when he sentenced to 7 years in prison. He has 14 months left until his sentence is completed. My husband and I have been married for 29 years as I think you and your husband have been. We have a daughter who is older than my son. They both grew up in the same house with the same parents...my son chose to make decisions that would affect his life negatively and my daughter made choices that would affect her life positively. We felt gulity as well...where did we go wrong...maybe we shouldn\'t have moved to this neighbourhood....etc. etc. I now realize that it is now our fault just as it is not your fault that Chris did what he did. I realize now it all comes down to the choices that my son made in life. I know that may not be comforting to you but it might make you realize that you did not do anything wrong. You provided him with the right direction but it was him who made the decisions to do what he did and that is why he is where he is. Do I cry? Yes I do but not so much as I used to. It has been over 5 years now and I have learned to cope. My husband and I went to counselling at the beginning of this which helped. We had to make our marriage a priority and learn to talk about what we were feeling otherwise I don\'t think would have gotten this far. You and your husband have to learn to cope with this for your grandson and your daughter. I understand you feel like he you lost another child. A couple of years ago after her son was killed in a violent attack, a woman told me that I was lucky that at least my son was alive and I could still talk to him and see him. I think of this many times when I get depressed. Most people cannot relate to that but I certainly could so I hang on to that thought. Hang in there....you have some tough times to go through but you will make it.